48 Days, but who's counting? Oh, that's right, me.

So I know that it's only just July but I'm partially crazy so this post is for my own benefit, sorry. Starting today I have 48 days to get all of my school stuff done and over with so that I can be ready for the fall. That includes getting books, school supplies, and dorm essentials, ya know the usual stuff freshman need. The fact that I'm broke enough already and have to pay August's rent when I thought I didn't doesn't help much either. The fact that I keep acting like a child that is actually ready for their first day at school is killing my brothers, but I can't help it that I'm oozing with excitement for my future.

I also get to finish getting my dental stuff done, which I hope is soon because other than the three more small things that I have to do besides getting out my wisdom teeth I'm ready to not see the dentist for another 6 more months. Did you know that there's dental sand paper? I didn't.

I also get the always fun time of saving up enough money in between this time to get my car fixed before I leave for school and actually have some until I get a job up there, and hopefully I can get one on campus at Orientation in two weeks.

In these last 48 days I'm also going to try and get in better graces with my mom and brothers, and try to go see my other little brother and family that live downtown. I've been a little distant with the latter and I really want to change that and let them know that I love them and care for them and that I'm not as selfish as I may seem. I'm just busy and suck at getting down there when I plan to.

I hope every one has a great fourth of July weekend! I know I will, I'll be indulging in cupcakes and trying my first bottle of wine and enjoying the house all to myself before reality throws itself at me like a wicked curve ball.

xoxo

P.S I'm reading a new book called The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake and so far it's so good. Would you guys like me to keep reviewing books? I've done two so just let me know.

One Day

One of the things that I love most about summer time besides the feel of the warm sun on my skin and the smell of fresh cut grass is the freedom to read a pile or two of books at a leisurely pace. Since I'm a self proclaimed bookworm summer time is perfect for me to delve into massive amounts of fiction and escape.

For the past two weeks or so I've been reading the book One Day by David Nicholls and I literally just finished it. I made my brother keep on his light an hour past bed time so that I could finish the last Part. This book is/has been made into a movie and I can't wait for that to come out because based on the trailer I think that this movie will definitely be one that I will want to add to my mountain of a DVD collection with in the first 20 minutes of viewing it. Now here's the synopsis of this beautiful story, after that I'll give you guys my review.

"After one day together – July 15th, 1988, their college graduation – Emma Morley (Academy Award nominee Anne Hathaway) and Dexter Mayhew (Jim Sturgess ofAcross the Universe) begin a friendship that will last a lifetime. She is a working-class girl of principle and ambition who dreams of making the world a better place. He is a wealthy charmer who dreams that the world will be his playground.

For the next two decades, key moments of their relationship are experienced over several July 15ths in their lives. Together and apart, we see Dex and Em through their friendship and fights, hopes and missed opportunities, laughter and tears. Somewhere along their journey, these two people realize that what they are searching and hoping for has been there for them all along. As the true meaning of that one day back in 1988 is revealed, they come to terms with the nature of love and life itself."- Taken from the experienceoneday.com

I fell in love with this book before I even read the synopsis on the book cover (sadly yes I tend to be one of those people that judges a book by it's cover) I'm working on it. I dove in almost as soon as I got it and only put it down, unwillingly, when I had to work or go do other mundane things that daily life demands out of us. I'm such a hopeless romantic that I wanted to be Emma and every time I read I escaped into their world and was transported back in time and traveled where ever the characters went, lived their lives and felt like more than just a fly on the wall. It's hard to believe that this story was written by a guy. It's not the type of "romance" novel that is full of smutty sex scenes, snobby women and boorish men. Well it has a boorish guy or two but through out the novel they change radically and sometimes for the better. 

So I think that whether your a guy or a girl you will fall head over heels, ridiculously, in to that deliciously tumultuous state of love. 

*Even the book cover is beautiful! I want to travel and fall in love, and I WILL One Day. 

xoxo

You've got to be kind to yourself.

Today was my day off, I thought that it would start off well but as we've seen in 500 Days of Summer our expectations hardly ever match up to reality. I had to go to my dentist to get my permanent crown in (yay) and proceed further and lucky me got some less than desired news after the comprehensive exam, I'll just leave it at I have to go see the dentist a few more times before school starts (nay).

I came home to get my brother's up so we could get some house work done so that we didn't waste the day away by cleaning and melting our brain's with the "boob tube"-one of my Dad's expressions. As per usual I did a good amount of the cleaning but that's okay I'm not the one getting in trouble for not pulling my weight so really that's just a semantic. After busting ass and getting my mom's room de-cluttered I took my youngest brother to a frozen yogurt shop down the road from my house and aside from the 2.00 cup of deliciousness that we both got he also some how managed to sneak four tester cups of cupcake yogurt past me and I was sitting right next to him!! After that we went to Best Buy because I was on a mission, a mission for a She & Him CD, yes I still buy CD's. I had to forcefully drag my brother around the store and away from the iPads and other gadgets but eventually I found what I was looking for! I was only intending to get one CD, but after very very little persuasion from an employee I bought Volume One AND Volume Two!!! Sure I've only heard like a total of 4 of their songs but that's all the persuasion I needed today.

Eventually I got my brother out of the store and home just in time for my mom to drag him out again for my other brother's baseball practice. I went to a diner full of senior citizens and a handful of children, I listened to the chatter of strangers, ate a great meal for a decent price and read my book. It was a great stress reliever too! After I was done gorging myself with sinfully delicious food I still felt as though something was missing, well a lot of things feel like they're missing right now to me but they'll be found in time. I headed to the craft store before they closed and found a laptop sticker quote thing for $2.00! I wasn't really looking for it but I'm kind of a stickler for Mark Twain quotes. (Fun Fact-I'm related to him!!!)

So in conclusion, today was a pretty good day once all the hard work was done.

This is possibly one of my most favorite songs on one of  the albums that I bought today!!

Sharing is caring..(part 2)

I had to do another June installment of some of my favorite bloggers because you guys are just to damn cool.

Here we go!

The Lexical Gap aka Overlord Alexandra-I've been reading Lex's blog for awhile and let me be the first to tell you the girl is amazing, plus she has plans for world domination (the rules are in the link). Her rules are pretty easy to adhere to and I would happily be a mini

Too Much Pressure- Oh Andrew, there are not enough words to describe him, all nice of course but still not enough words. He's a grad student that is like the rest of us 20 somethings and is just chronicling the ridiculous and mundane going on's of his life. He too is a Twitter friend and since I'm a shameless promoter I'm going to go ahead and say that if your not following him you're missing out.

seedling - she's a newly discovered blog for me but I adore her already.

Trend-ish- also a new-ish blog that I have recently discovered but this blog puts a little bit more beauty in a messy world.

Unedited- Ironically her latest post is about promoting blogs so I'd say my timing was awesome!
and last but definitely not least is....

The Wonderful World of Victoria- some of you may or may not have heard of her but I've also been reading Victoria for quite some time so I think she is due some heavy doses of blog loving.

So that's it for tonight. I hope every one enjoys!

xoxo

What's the deal?

So today  has been eventful, for lack of a better word. This morning while helping my mom clean the house on both of our days off my mom asked me to dry a stack of pots and pans for her and while I was told that the biggest skillet that we own that was washed first was still hotter than fire. I cleaned the first four and right around the time I was finishing up the last one because it didn't feel warm to me on the outside. Boy was I wrong I no sooner swung it around to clean the bottom and hit my wrist and ohhh my gosh the pain! I've been burnt before, I work at a pizza store, I get burnt by oil and a pan now and then but this, this pain was so much worse.

I look like I took a curling iron to my wrist. I'm so emo!!! HAHAHA not.


Then I tried to eat some slightly frozen gummy fish because they were almost turned into jelly in my car. Yeah that's not advisable either especially if you have a temporary crown on like I did/do. I'm going to the dentist later this week but I may have to just go tomorrow before work.

I'm such a klutz it's not even funny guys.

Attempt number two at a decent blog tonight: accomplished.

xoxo

A change is gonna come. After my brain becomes less gelatanous.

I think it's high time for a change. I'm already looking forward to the crazy but great changes that will be happening in my life in less than two months time but right now I think that I need something a little more immediate.
I'm thinking about maybe dyeing my hair and seeing how well I like it for a month or two, my hair has been growing a lot since the last time I really gave it any thought. Every time I see one of my best friends she always comments on how much my hair has grown since the last time I saw her, even my boss remarks on it sometimes. Though the last time he told me I looked like " a Beatles fan", not really sure what he was getting at but whatever. Androgony doesn't suit me.
After all of the "heartbreak" that I have put myself through these past months and the stagnant air of my mundane daily routines I think a little change is needed. Even if it may go straight to my head.

Once again this post isn't going where I want it to or hoped it would, I truly am a scatterbrain.

Later days guys

xoxo

I miss you, especially when it rains.

Last night it rained, actually no it stormed. I couldn't sleep when I got home so I grabbed my brother's Transformers blanket and made my way to the porch and watched as the storm did it's thang. About five years ago when I used to live with my dad and little brother in Kansas we used to sit on the porch or in the mudroom and watch the storms. Living in tornado alley provides for some pretty amazing storm watching, provided as long as there are no tornadoes heading your way.

It's been a little over a year since my Dad has passed and it still feels as raw and fresh as the day it happened. I knew that it was going to happen but I am comforted by the fact that he is no longer suffering and is watching over my brother and I. Whenever it rains I'm reminded of my dad and of the great memories that I have left of him, he used to watch History, Discovery, and the Travel channel like my youngest brother watches Disney channel or Cartoon Network. Whenever I was in the hospital when I was younger I would usually wake up to one of the channels listed above.

Some of the many great traits that my dad and I share are the insatiable need to always be intellectually stimulated and not held back from the many great things in our life that are there for the taking. He always used to tell me to "broaden your horizons" and I think that in this past year despite my downfalls here and there that he would be extremely proud of me for getting into a great school and going forth in the world to broaden my horizons.
He and I also shared a passion for making people happy whenever and however we can, even when my dad was struggling to pay a bill or two of his own and I was sick he helped me pay for a month of my own bills because I was too sick to work. I know that parents are kind of obligated to help their kids out if they are in a ditch but my dad was always very tight with his money and stuck to a budget like a fly on flypaper.
I remember nights in his old house curling up with my dad in his recliner and reading Dr.Suess and other classics after watching the nightly news and PBS. Those were the days when I was an only child and probably  some of the best times spent with just my dad and I.
My brother, my dad and I also have a love of watching the formation and progression of storms, Kansas and Missouri have some pretty great storms, except the one's that ruin people's lives but that's not the point! Last night and every night that it storms or rains anything heavier than drizzle I remember the night's spent with my brother and Dad watching the storms pass on our house on the hill surrounded by rolling green hills, wildlife, and the crab apple tree right across from the porch that was perpetually surrounded by the warty lime green psuedo fruit.

Oh the memories, so bittersweet obviously more sweet than bitter. My dad lived a great life, he realized his dreams, made two amazing kids that are growing into great adults every day and is always watching over us until we can join him again.

Picture-Postsecret.com

xoxo

Give your Dad or Father figure a huge hug and a kiss this year, and give him an extra hug for those that have lost the best man in their lives.

Happy Father's Day!!

Because sharing is caring.. (part 1)

Now that I have my new computer and wifi is back on I think it's high time for me to give you guys some of my promised posts..I'm such a tease. So I think I'm going to start off with my favorite blogger's posts of the month, I chose the month because you guys give me more material to chose from in that time so I'd say it's all good.

On that note...here we GO!!

Dancing Around My House- I first came across Juliet's blog on 20sb.com just browsing the users and fellow Blogger users and from the beginning her eloquent and entertaining posts have made me smile every time I read them.

deliberation- he's a man of few words but he's pretty awesome, plus his picture posts are the shiz.

PuNk rAwK pUrL- a Twiiter friend, a fellow cat lover and has a passion for fashion. Tammy is one of those people that you really would want to meet in real life one day. Her blog is pretty awesome too. Just take my word for it, k.

The Unconvential Oven- It's my Twitter friend Leanne's new blog, the last one was great but this one will be better.

S.S Vintage- also a Twitter friend and fellow camera carrier, except she has an Etsy and finds awesome treasures.

I think this is all that I'm going to do for now...there will be more of these posts to come so keep an eye out. :)

xoxo

A moment of time encapsulated..

"Norah: It reminds me of this part of Judaism that I really like. It's called Tikkun olam. It says that, um, the world's been broken into pieces and it's everybody's job to find them and put them back together again.

Nick: Well, maybe we're the pieces. Maybe we're not supposed to find the pieces. Maybe we are the pieces."

-Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

The faint smell of campfire smoke slips in before you like a stranger in the night  as you pass through the threshold, and just like that I'm drawn into your orbit like Earth to the Moon. 

Nervous laughter passes through me as you gently caress me as though I'm clay in your hands and you're just the sculptor. The touch of your lips against mine sends ripples of delight up and down my spine. 

The sound of your voice as you recite a French poem to me in the faintly moonlit room fills every atom of my being as you expertly twist and turn  through every syllable of every stanza. 

I wish I could have saved that night that fell into morning in a bubble and visit it whenever needed. Til' next time the memories we shared that night will  have to suffice. 

Now there is just silence from your end of the line, the mixed signals have been slightly translated but still a mess to decipher. I've said my peace and told you my feelings, now I wait in hopes of them being returned. I won't wait around for long though because I never was one to wait and hold out hope. So please just say the words, not just for me but for you as well. 

I'm a master procrastinator and socially inept..

I have been blessed with a mere hour and a half before work to get everything requiring my laptop (with wifi) done and so far I'm making good time. I've pre-registered for class registration at school (way to be redundant school) and am now procrastinating on pulling up a new window to start browsing and possibly ordering a new laptop for my birthday/school.

I would have written more earlier but the pictures I want to put on a post are on my computer not my mom's and   being forced to use a desktop as opposed to a laptop that practically has my LIFE on it is weird. Suffice to say it has been a long week, school prep, my birthday, work, trying to have a social life and being in a relationship that I wasn't aware of being in. Here's a good story for ya, everyone ready for this??

A few weeks ago an old friend of mine from high school sent me a message on Facebook more or less out of the blue blatantly asking me if I was seeing anyone, and since I'm not and wasn't planning to  for a while I decided to hang out with the kid. I mean what's the worst that could happen? We're just two friends from high school catching up and hanging out...right...I was wrong apparently because two people of the opposite sex can NOT be friends!! Oh no, once you throw in emotions and sometimes hormones shit gets all sorts of out of hand. I thought that he and I were just friends just hanging out and catching up-the equivalant of a mini high school reunion. Extreme awkwardness in some situations included. Sure when he told me he liked me I returned the mutual feelings and told him I liked him too, but apparently my interpretation of his like for me was WAYYY off! We went out to Dave and Buster's for my birthday and scored a ridiculous amounts of tickets/random pieces of paper (his idea, not mine) and managed to split the winnings between ourselves equally which was cool. Then I made a mistake of inviting him over to watch a movie, I picked 500 Days of Summer because I thought it was a seemingly safe movie. not quite a chick flick and not boring.. boy was I wrong! Right before he left he asked me if we were a couple or not...and as life always tends to it imitated art.  I just replied as nonchalantly as I could and told him that I didn't want a relationship, at least not now and called it a night.

Apparently those words are like kryptonite to guys, especially those in the "friends zone" because a good 75% of the texts that he sent to me and to my best friend about me the day after my birthday were brimming with douchiness and made this once nice guy turn into an "arrogant prick". His words not mine, though they do ring true,  but ya know I had to do what I had to do. Forced attraction is not something I'm into especially when I thought that an unspoken understanding was in place. The next day I woke up feeling as though I had a hole in my chest the size of my lung...turns out it was just because I had accidentally hurt the poor guy the night before without really realizing it. I know I'm a stupid heartless bitch for it or whatever but in my defense I'm kind of romantically inept I only interact with guys that I work with/ are customers and the friends of mine at work that are guys understand how utterly complicated and fucked up I really am even if I don't show it too much. Because that's just how misfits are.

So maybe one day when I can figure out what I want and have my shit in order will I will a guy past the iron walls that I have built around my heart, til then I think it's just time to focus on the future and school and whatever else may come up during that time. I just need a little push off the edge for me to jump into anything with a guy, my fear is paralyzing...

P.S I got a shot glass and a stuffed Smurfette (hehe) for my birthday and a new laptop that I just ordered.

Have a good day all!

xoxo

Temporarily out of words, and wifi..

I'm sorry :( I'll be back soonish. I have a story or two to share with everyone but I'm lacking energy and time to write anything substantial.

See everyone soon.

xoxo

Level 21: completed!

Today I had a routine oncologist appointment and other than waiting on a blood test that pretty much covers it all and not knowing  those results yet I'm healthy!

After all that I have been through over these past 21-now 22 years I think that today is cause for some major celebration, a birthday, a clean bill of health, a new laptop later on this week and a bright future in store. To say that my life has been crazy (for lack of a better word) is an understatement.

• born with a heart defect, that I almost didn't survive after birth.
• 5 open heart surgeries up until the age of 14.
• a stroke
• and about a year ago, cancer which I beat!

I know that there are other people in this world that have stories much worse than mine and that have their lives a lot worse than mine. I keep them in my prayers always I also realize how narcissitic this post may sound, but I'm really trying to not make it be. But a year ago I wasn't sure if I would even make it to 21 let alone 22 so this is a celebatory post of sorts. So this post was necessary and so was this. I don't think that this post went as I had planned in my head last night but that's what I get for not having my laptop yet and not having any wifi.

Hope everyone is having a great day! Those promised posts will be up soon.

xoxo

A little introspection and a cracked shell

All my life I've worn a rock hard shell of stubbornness and courage, the proverbial "brave face" but that shell has collected some dents and cracks over the years. The first 14 years of my life were split between hospitals and a little bit of my mom and dad's houses. When I was born I wasn't supposed to even make it more than 10 hours due to a severe heart condition.

It's been a year since my dad has passed and I don't think that I have ever fully grieved, I don't know if it's because I just haven't had the time, the energy or what exactly but I think that as the days pass and things start to get crazier I don't think it will ever get done. In the past year since he's been gone I have noticed that I have been a little testier and angrier than normal. I've never been much of an angry person to begin with but now it's been starting to get out of hand. I mean I'm not like ripping people's faces off if they give me attitude but when your deemed the "the goody goody" throughout middle school and high school  I have to let the "bitch" out of me.

I really hate how much I have been letting some external things get to me lately, from snarky customers to one of my brother's semi "holier than thou" attitude just because he plays sports and is a 12 year old man whore in training, yes I know that I really shouldn't let any of this get to me but it's hard for me not to sometimes, I tend to take some things to heart every now and then. It's a blessing and a curse some times...
Thankfully it's finally June and August will be here before I know it and I can begin a new (much awaited) chapter in my life and get away from the slight craziness that is my family.

I really miss my daddy you guys.

What do you do when you really miss someone that's not physically around anymore?

xoxo

Why Girls Are Weird (a book review)

Warning: Guys this is very much chick lit so you have been warned.

Why Girls Are Weird by Pamela Ribon, I can't say enough great things about this book! It was one of those books that took you by the nostrils and pulled you in with full force. So now this is my attempt to review it/not give it all away.

I came acrossed the book when I was at a store called Half-Priced Books (a little piece of heaven on Earth) with a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and normally I like to read the blurbs on the back of the book before I decide if I want it but the cover of this book alone made me just want to pick it up and buy without reading much else besides the tagline-"Sometimes life is stranger than you are." and that alone gives me at least a little hope that I'm not the oddest person out there. But if I am, I'm not complaining either.

The main character is believe it or not, a blogger and a damn good one at that. She reminds me of ChelsTalksSmack in a weird sort of way but I digress. She begins writing at work just to look like she's actually doing something, and before she knows it fan mail is coming in and that's about the time when things start to slightly get out of hand, her ex finds the webpage tells her to take it down after pity fucking her after a family tragedy takes place, and her best friend and family help her navigate her way out of the mess that she accidentally got herself into.

I found this book to be quite relatable and a very well written piece of literature, I hope the other three books that I walked out of the store with are as good as this one was. The author Pamela Ribon actually has a website that she started before she started writing WGAW ( I couldn't find the link to "Squishy" which was her original site) but this is just as good.

Tell me what you guys/girls think about this review type post and I may do more.

xoxo