A little introspection and a cracked shell

All my life I've worn a rock hard shell of stubbornness and courage, the proverbial "brave face" but that shell has collected some dents and cracks over the years. The first 14 years of my life were split between hospitals and a little bit of my mom and dad's houses. When I was born I wasn't supposed to even make it more than 10 hours due to a severe heart condition.

It's been a year since my dad has passed and I don't think that I have ever fully grieved, I don't know if it's because I just haven't had the time, the energy or what exactly but I think that as the days pass and things start to get crazier I don't think it will ever get done. In the past year since he's been gone I have noticed that I have been a little testier and angrier than normal. I've never been much of an angry person to begin with but now it's been starting to get out of hand. I mean I'm not like ripping people's faces off if they give me attitude but when your deemed the "the goody goody" throughout middle school and high school  I have to let the "bitch" out of me.

I really hate how much I have been letting some external things get to me lately, from snarky customers to one of my brother's semi "holier than thou" attitude just because he plays sports and is a 12 year old man whore in training, yes I know that I really shouldn't let any of this get to me but it's hard for me not to sometimes, I tend to take some things to heart every now and then. It's a blessing and a curse some times...
Thankfully it's finally June and August will be here before I know it and I can begin a new (much awaited) chapter in my life and get away from the slight craziness that is my family.

I really miss my daddy you guys.

What do you do when you really miss someone that's not physically around anymore?

xoxo