One more freakin' week

This winter break shit has gone on for far too long. Yes, last week was an exception, but that's only because my boyfriend came down and we had some fun with my family so it wasn't completely unbearable. Don't get me wrong I've had some good times with friends and even my family during break but I'm ready to go back home, to school.

Though there have been some good things that I have gotten to do while on break that will be helpful for returning to school, I have been a total sloth and didn't get out of my pj's for several days and while I can still do this on campus it was still awesome to do it at home and not have to feel rushed to do anything. Then again I was also accused of messing up my family's sleep schedule because my sleep schedule was still on college student time, so that wasn't so awesome (for them).

During break  I haven't completely stuck to home, a friend and I went to see New Year's Eve before the holiday and well I'm not going to lie, it was cute. Definitely better than the train wreck that was Valentine's Day, the only thing that that movie had going for it was the star studded cast. Then we went to eat and I have never loved the taste of fries as much as I did when I was hanging out with my friend just talking and laughing and people watching. It was definitely what both her and I needed, even though the insanity of the holidays was just starting to begin.

 

There are several things that I am looking forward to next week, besides going back home (school), my signed copy of "The Fault in Our Stars' by John Green comes out and my copy will come in the mail, then get to go to work with my mom for a couple of days out of the week to get some money for myself and soon after that I'm going to go get one of my friends that I'm driving back up to school with me and is going to spend the night on Thursday, then we're going to head up and begin the new semester!

Besides starting yearbook and other interesting classes and getting my financial aid in order I'm also hoping to get a job on campus or off as soon as possible. It would help soo much!

Are you ready for school to start back up? What have you missed?

xoxo

I've stressed myself sick.

Appeals, work, family, a woman with lots of free time on her hands and make her daughter make her own bed for them. It's a bunch of crap..I'm exhausted and my body is finally starting to scream while the words stay inside, festering and bubbling which is NOT good. I need to get away, I need to learn to stand up to my mom who won't even let me explain how a perfume bottle accidentally broke, that I never touched. I'm done being shit on and being under appreciated. It's days like these that hope is hardest to hold onto, all I want is a little stability and love. Two very simple things that always seem to be out of my reach. The only stability I do seem to find is in my books (which I can't seem to stop buying) and I just use them for escape.
Also, in my efforts to start getting ready for school and get things that I need to get done, apparently I've been "slacking" in my chores, which is a joke if I've ever heard one. I work nights and have a weird sleep schedule and I feel obligated to watch my littlest brother because my other brother tends to be a bully towards him for no reason at all so I try not to leave the house before work so there's that. Sure I should hang out with friends but due to recent losses I don't have many that live in the area, and I don't date because my mom somehow always tends to run them off before I get the chance to, if I'm even with them that long...

I'm so ready to get away, sorry for the word vomit but it had to get out. No more festering.

It's only Wednesday and I've already almost broken down this week.

CAUTION: Rant up ahead, turn back now.

I've had this crippling headache for two days now and it's really starting to become less of a pain in the head and more of a pain in my ass. NO amount of pills that I have taken have made this pain end. Granted it's only been two so far but seriously. I've been thisclose to a nervous break down since Monday, I do realize that it's only Wednesday but the light at the end of the tunnel is being a damn tease!

My money is being stretched down to the last penny,I haven't bought anything needed for school yet, my car still hasn't been fixed yet, my brother seems to think that he can run the streets all hours of the day and night leaving me with my littlest brother when I have to go to work, not cool. I can't afford to lose my job as much as my mom can't. When I leave all of my responsiblities at home go to home. How's that for an Olympic torch?

My stress levels from living at home are going to be the death of me, I know life is a rollercoaster  but I'm not a fan of them and I want off of this one right now! But I can't just yet, I have to wait until next month and that seems like it's light years away instead of weeks away.

Last night at work was a crappy one, I accidentally got my phone soaked but thankfully after letting it dry out as best I could for the night I went to go get a new battery this morning and by some miracle it worked! Then last night before I got off work I tried to cut a pizza and before I could get it to the table the whole thing flipped over and out of my hand and burnt the crap out of my right hand. Thankfully I'm better now and my nervous breakdown can hold off for awhile.

Only a little while longer left here and then I can turn the next page in my book, which is good since I feel like I'm only physically here. My brain and spirit are already up north. I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize but  every now and then life happens and then we get back on with the show.

Optimism is my friend!

I'm in a weird mood today, and Barbies!

I miss the days of my youth.... things seemed so much easier than. No stupid boy troubles, no bills to pay and I could curl up with my dad in his worn over sized recliner and read some Dr. Seuss.

I miss the days when my best friend's and I would create elaborate story lines (Stephanie Meyer can suck it) and our Barbie's would live in awesome houses made of things found around the house and some of the actual house pieces that I had. Those Barbie's sure had great lives.

Then shit got real and life happened and I grew up fast. I'm not complaining but I miss those days, hell I still go play in parks any chance I get just because I can and it's a great reminder of innocence and youth. I was walking around Target today (because that's what you do when you get there and they don't have what you're looking for) and I wandered into the toy aisle which is  basically a fourth of the back of the store and got lost in the cotton candy pink aisles and just let my mind relax and let some of the stress I'm currently under melt away and surprisingly looking at Barbie's and how much they have changed throughout the years helped a lot.

 I think they're back together?

and finally, our society in Barbie form!

I don't really know what the gist of this post was, I'm in a weird mood today, and it needs to end soon.

I hope you all have a good day/night! 

xoxo

Regular programming will continue soon, hopefully. 

                             

Expecto Patronum! Did it work?

Well I think the interview went well...I haven't heard back from them yet so my nerves are perpetually fraying. On that note my mom's lease is apparently up in the next 3-4 months so I have hit a MASSIVE fork in my road of life. I'm scared shitless too because I'm not really sure which way I should go or what to do.

The options that are staring me down like a Bogart are; to somehow get myself another job like now, so that I can pay off my old debt and somehow find a place of my own or one that I can share with a room mate (one that doesn't hate me) and become a workaholic void of a social life and only spend my hard earned money on bills and groceries. I honestly think I could do it if I had a second job and a willing person to live with me. I'm not a bad room mate or anything, just so we're clear.

orrrrr...

I can fill out my FAFSA and apply to a school that has an amazing Communications program and start anew there and just find a new job in the town where the school is. I've been thinking about this one for quite some time because due to recent circumstances my tuition could be paid in full just by fin. aid alone. I could handle being away from my family for four years and only visiting on weekends,holidays and summer vacation. BUT I will not go back to community college again! I know it's good and all because I have friends that are currently going there still but that would mean that I would have to come home and try to study and I have already tried this once before five years ago and I'm not looking for a rerun. Plus "if I don't go back soon, I'll never go back."

I'm going to keep mulling over these two things now and wait for a call.

In the meantime if any of you were in my shoes, which do you think you would pick?

xoxo

Inhale....exhale...

Here is just a small list of things that are currently throwing fuel into the fire of my grouchiness and stress.

• My brother's-why they can't just listen to me the first time and respond at least the second..I know I'm their sister but when I'm watching them until I go to work, I'm the boss applesauce!
• My mom- I hate that she made this list but I also just had to pay her car insurance with my "rent" money that is supposed to go to househould bills NOT her personals bills!! (Last month I paid her phone bill). Last I checked I don't go to my work to pay for her bills along with my own, I know I  know she's my mom she has paid for my bills for years BUT up until 8 years or so ago I was being raised by my dad and stepmom, not her.
• Work-I'm just gonna leave it at I can't wait to find another job.

However there are some good things that are keeping me slightly sane..thank God!
-Saturday is almost here and that means my date is almost here!
-My giving up Facebook for Lent has been a great idea, there is so much less stress and drama going on. Not that I'm a dramatic person or anything because I personally dislike drama and anyone that enjoys starting it. Like the world isn't crazy enough?

Sorry I had to get that out, it felt good to get it all off my chest. Better things to come soon because I'm better than this. Self-pity is not how I roll!

I love you all!



I need to start doing my yoga soon.

#prayforjapan

I'm one anxious bitch.

[Warning: this may not make complete sense, as I am half awake while writing. Please bear with me I'll be back to normal...soon..I hope.]

My tolerance levels for just about anything have reached maximum capacity today. Well they have been building up for awhile now but today the top is about to burst! I'm falling apart at the seams, the intricately sewn seams that hold me together are puckering every where. Emotionally, physically, mentally I'm expecting a meltdown any day now.

If you haven't figured this out already I'm a bit sensitive to most things others are not, I can also read other's feelings whether they are expressing them or not. Then I carry their problems as if their my own.-the woes of being empathetic. 

As if my sleeping habits didn't suck enough already Daylight Savings Time started this week and my body still isn't use to it. I swear if you took away my laptop and phone for 3 days and  I was given a dark room with a massive bed with a mountain of pillows and an amazing comforter I would love you forever. Someone should get on this.

In light of recent events my brain is all in a tizzy, I can't help the people of Japan or Libya by doing much else besides praying until I'm blue in the face, and even that doesn't seem to be enough for me. If I had enough money to support myself, my family and even some to spare to help others I wouldn't even think twice to do so. The images and news coverage on both stories is so devastating and heartbreaking that every time a new story breaks it only adds to my mounting anxiety.

Other than a possible cavity and not knowing how my most recent blood test came out my life is really nothing to complain about compared to others. I just wish that  I had a bit of a turn around, more good days in exchange for less shitty days. But the bad one's make the good ones that much better I suppose. I think I really need to work on how much I complain. To aid with my stress I bought two bags of York Peppermint Patties last night because their about the only thing that keep me saner without resorting to drugs or alcohol. My dentist is totally gonna hate me whenever I get in to see him.

What is stressing you right now and what do you do to ease the stress??

xoxo

P.S Happy Pi Day! Let's all go eat some pie now, or cake. Cake is great too!

I'm gonna eat my weight in Phish Food

Tonight has been shitty. So shitty in fact that I came straight from the store on the way home to blog about how bad of a day I've had.

My brain is sooo fried right now that I don't even know where to start. Ugh. Sad face. Maybe I'll just do what all the smart kids are doing and start at the beginning.

The beginning: Today started like any other unemployed persons would, I woke up a little later than aimed, watched waves of grey mucky clouds roll in and drop a whole minutes worth of sprinkles on us. This will get better I promise, just hang in there. I have to relive some of the mundane before I get to the bad parts. For a couple of hours my best friend and I hung out and talked about places that I should apply to. I went to a few of them and sadly the three places that I managed to hit today only one was actually hiring. :/

The middle: I went to one of the places on my ever growing list of prospects and applied there (yay productivity!). Earlier in the day my mom called me and asked me to take one of my brothers to football practice and hang out with my other brother at home. Well apparently their night wasn't as good as I had hoped, I got lost driving to my brothers practice field and I probably made him late and I'm sorry for that but in my defense I don't drive the area by his practice field that much.

The end: I got to my moms house and made dinner for my brother and I, Tuna Helper-cheesy noodles with tuna. Let me just say that is not my best work but we ate it. I suppose we were both really hungry because it wasn't that great. I got that made and my brother ate two helpings and we hung out on the couch and watched a movie on the Disney channel so that he could wind down and get ready for bed. He finally got his teeth brushed and pajamas thrown on and he wanted to stay up until our mom got home. Butttt that didn't happen because that would throw off his whole schedule and would make him grumpy for school tomorrow, and we can't have that. He finally got laid down and while in the midst of that he also threw a fit because he had to follow rules. My capacity levels were starting to get overloaded by this point. By the time my mom finally made it home I was ready to go home myself...I headed home and inevitably because my night was already going so bad already it had to get just a little worse. I got on the highway and proceeded to go way past my exit onto an exit that takes me to my moms work.
I somehow managed to make it to my exit or a exit that would take me to where I needed to be going and what do you know it got me home. But first I had to make a pitstop at the grocery store and get some Ben and Jerry's so that I could eat my feelings for the night.

Okay I'm done for tonight, thank you for reading this far if you have.

xoxo