Single Awareness Day is upon us..let the countdown begin!

Wow, it has been forever since I have wrote anything. I'm sorry :( I'd be lying if I said I haven't been thinking about you dear blog readers but I just haven't had anything to really write about. Well I have but I have but it's personal stuff. Even though I clearly have no filter for myself on my blog or in real life.

Okay first off, Happy New Year! How was everyone's did you do anything cooler than I did? I wrapped myself in a sweater and watched Snooki get lowered to the ground at the speed of a snail with my mom,instead of going out to a party or wearing the cute dress I bought and intended to wear that night. Suffice to say the Missouri weather kicked that plan right out the window.
I was reading a tweet earlier from a fellow blogger ChelsTalksSmack: she said exactly what I have thinking for about this past week or longer,"Being single is overrated" and to add to that nugget of common sense dating these days sucks too. I think the only "cool" time to be single is when you have a wicked awesome job and live in a cool city. Or if your in college apparently . I wouldn't know this though because I am not in school at the moment but when I did go it may have been cool. I was trying to stay focused so the opposite sex was just fun to admire from and laugh at from afar. Oh to be younger again and actually do things right. But I know I know "Everything happens for a reason." Yada yada yada.
As far as the stores are concerned though Febuary 14th is already here, I was in Wal-Mart the other night after a family dinner doing some bored browsing and half the store was covered in red and pinks and other shades associated with Singles Awareness Day and I was reminded once again that I'm single and it still kind of sucks. You can only go to so many movies alone  so many times before you become friends with the employees and the movies just start to get that much duller especially when you go alone. But I am enjoying being single while I have the chance..Girl Power!
So far the only thing that I can think of that I'm looking forward to on February 14th is an oncologist appointment to make sure that I'm still good and in remission. I haven't been feeling too bad except for a minor cold or two so I think I'm good. Fingers crossed.

I do realize that this post is WAY too early for a Valentine's Day blog but it had to be flushed from my brain sooner than later. So I wanna know if your single how do you celebrate or not on Single Awareness Day? If your taken, congrats your the cutest couple ever! What do you plan to do with your significant other this year?

I'll try to write  more and on a more regular basis from now on. Wifi issues kind of messed up my preferred writing times.
xoxo

If only my life were a John Hughes movie.

Okay no more distractions! Just the alotted music and Facebook because um I'm an addict like 95% of Americans. Plus I wrote a really good status that I want to keep tabs on. Oh narcissism.

In my last post I said something along the lines of "During my night out my room mate text me to ask if I was coming home tonight. I don't know if she was assuming something or what but as far as I can gather so far because of the fact that I am not in a relationship with anyone right now and that I go on an occasional date now and then and meet new people that I am the equivalant of a Satist in their (my friend's boyfriend's and hers) eye's. I don't know nor do I care at this point because even though my life is not all fancy and all that jazz like their's has been for the past 5/6 months I don't care because I'm happy that I get to keep my options open." . Which got me thinking about the movie Easy A. Which I can relate to really well except for the fact that I haven't had any imaginary flings (let alone any real ones) with any guys lately BUT I do have a Marianne in my life who tends to be a little judgmental at times as to the way I live my "oh so scandalous life"

Sure my life is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but is any one's  really? I don't know how a series of roughly two dates or date equivalence  in my head have managed to make my roommate and probably her family think that I'm some (any of the words above) that let's a guy take advantage of me and that I have some major issues since losing my dad this year but I don't. I really don't, if anything I am just lonely and want some sort of companionship every now and then and since my friend is hardly ever home to hang out or do anything with nowadays I have to go to other friend's houses and hang out with them or I opt to stay longer at work to absorb that little bit of human connection. When I'm not at home I get my human connection through Twitter and Youtube because a lot of my friends from any of my school years or any just recently found friends live too far away for me to meet them or even hang out with them. 

Also, the other morning out of boredom and because there was nothing else on TV I watched PBS and they were showing a program called "The Science of Happiness" and apparently being lonely is as bad for your health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day,who knew? 

Question time! How do you deal with your loneliness or if your not lonely but dating how do you deal with it when your friend(s) think that your becoming "out of control" even though you haven't done anything with anyone, or you have but it's been PG unless ya know you have been together for a while. 

Please help, any sort of advice will help me greatly right now! 

XOXO

The mystery has been solved!

Tonight was my first actual (I guess I could say that, there hasn't been confirmation) date in about six months. We met at a pool hall/restaurant and bar and attempted to play a game of pool but due to my crappy skills at the game he ended up playing the game by himself and we just chatted as he ended the game. The night continued on and it appeared that a connection was developing quite well, and as I more or less gave him my whole life story I began to realize something; I do this to every guy I meet, I tell them my whole life story as a sort of test to see whether or not they will bolt after that day/night or if they want to stick around someone as insanely complex as myself.

As I thought more about my revelation on the drive home it also made me realize that back in my teenage days I actually stayed with boyfriends for at least roughly 10-11 months. I didn't have to tell them my whole life story because my whole life story wasn't as bizarre and twisted as it has been up to this point. Sure I enjoy my independence but I'm only human and well I think The Smith's said it best..

During my night out my room mate text me to ask if I was coming home tonight. I don't know if she was assuming something or what but as far as I can gather so far because of the fact that I am not in a relationship with anyone right now and that I go on an occasional date now and then and meet new people that I am the equivalant of a Satist in their (my friend's boyfriend's and hers) eye's. I don't know nor do I care at this point because even though my life is not all fancy and all that jazz like their's has been for the past 5/6 months I don't care because I'm happy that I get to keep my options open. Now this is not a feminist crusade or anything I am just happy where I am right now in my life, and that I don't need a man to make me whole. Sure they help but when a great one comes a long then I'll be ready for him to come into my chaotic life 'til then I'm going to live it up.

Now that that is out of my system and I have stood on my soap box I'm going to finish my movie and eat my cake.

What are your feelings on being an independent person and dating freely vs. being in a committed relationship?

An early Christmas gift and an idea!

The other day I got a call, it was one of my uplines for a company that I am kind of a representative for. Maybe you have heard of it? Avon anyone? Anyways the call was to inform me that the HD Flip camcorders that were supposed to be the "big item" for this past month's campaign was going down in price ANOTHER 20 dollars or so! So since I have been wanting a camera for who knows how long. I ordered one for myself as an EARLY Christmas present to myself. It should be arriving sometime this week and with that my creative juices will start to flow!

Now for my idea! I know it's not a very original one because it has been done by Fiveawesomegirls,Vlogbrothers, and a few other awesome Youtube favorites but if this all works out like I'm hoping it will and goes down the way I see it in my head than I will be a very happy girl! I should probably give some sort of explanation now if you didn't watch the links but my brother who is thirteen lives about 45 minutes away from my house and since my old car wasn't always reliable enough to get to where he was and construction is always being done on I-35 I thought, "hey what if I give him a look into my life and what I do and see everyday and film it!" Hints the camera and now I want his guardians/my aunt and uncle to get him one too (hopefully they have internet access) and he and I can make videos for each other now and again! I'm so excited for my first one already because I have had the idea since I went to The Cancer Survivors Park of Kansas City. Also, apparently I don't know my own home town too well because I never knew it was there!

Question: Is there any special Christmas gift your hoping to get under your tree this year, and what is your favorite part of the holiday season?

Mine is the hot cocoa, family gatherings and the food that others and I make!

The Pros and Cons of being single (during the holidays)

It's that time of year again folks! Football games are in full swing, chili is being made by the gallon and couples every where are anticipating many firsts in the their relationships. Or some of the more seasoned couples are wishing they could do this. I on the other hand will be most likely feeding my internet addiction, visiting family and a few friends, and watching my DVD collection for the 2nd or 3rd time in a row. Lame right? I know! My increasing levels of lame never cease to amaze me so that is why I have decided to compile a list of Pros and Cons of being single during this lovely time of year.

Pro: You can eat whatever you want and not feel guilty about it.
Con: Right before Spring you start to feel a tad bit guilty about it.

Pro: You don't have to worry about buying any gifts for their side of the family (including just a bottle of wine)
Con: Not having anyone to cuddle up next to the fireplace with to drink cocoa.

Pro: You get full control of the remote, so all of those old school holiday movies that you love are yours for the enjoying.
Con: You get to cuddle on the couch with the cat or the dog.

Pro: You can make up excuses to leave a couple filled party and go do your own thing.
Con: At said parties you are reminded that you're still single.

Pro: You prep your car for the winter and show the car who's boss!
Con: A car smart guy is always a helpful friend to have around.

Pro: No one to keep you from having a great time!
Con: No one is there to stop you from having too much of a great time.

Pro: Your time and money is spent the way you want.
Con: Sometimes it's nice to surpise someone with little gifts and with your time.

Pro: You come home to your own thing.
Con: If you have had a bad day, you don't have anyone that is already there to comfort you.

So it seems that this has just become a general Pros and Cons list of the single life,which tends to be a very sharp double edged sword unless you have managed to snag a really, really great guy or girl and then in that case I wish you nothing but the best for days to come! :) If not then embrace the independence and the freedom that single life offers! Because being an independent and self sufficient member of society is a beautiful thing!

So what are some of your Pros and Cons about the single life, or if your in a relationship what are the Pros and Cons of it?

Have a lovely day/evening all!

xoxo

Independent Women, FTW! Until they meet a douche..( Beauty and the Beast syndrome at it's worst)

What do you do when your best friend of 5 years starts dating someone and your left behind and have become a substitute?

First off I really am happy for my best friend, she's been living the single life for quite some time and she has really shined through it all. She personified the term "independent woman". Sure she's struggled here and there, who hasn't? But she has always come out shining. I'm very proud to be able to call her my friend. But I am worried that she may be losing some of her luster.

I don't know if this has happened to you but I think that this is just ridiculous! **I'm about to be a little bitter and bitchy for a paragraph or two** I was here first, I was here for her when she needed me to kill the bugs that were in her way and to reach the things on the high shelves. Now I'm just the fill in if the boyfriend can't hang out for some reason. That's not how I roll. Especially since before he came along people used to ask us if she and I were sisters, SISTERS!
But the second he flashes his shiny car and they share their first kiss she's gone like I was never here! It really doesn't help that he thinks he's better than me just because he works at a hospital,drives a nice car,and is in school. But I have gone through more in my short life then he can ever imagine and I've worked for all that I have. This may be exaggerating the situation a little bit but it feels like every day she goes more and more into the dark side. We all know that good things never come to those that fully convert. Sigh. I'm sorry I just really,really needed to get this out. There's more but I'm not going to share it for personal reasons.

Also someone that calls his gay brother a "waste of space" and then calls themselves a "Christian" while doing so, needs some help. Most recently though he did something to me that totally messed up my night and I was not amused. He and my friend went out and a few days before I had just got my new (new to me) car and I heard a slam. I think I knew it was his doors when he came in and goes, "Nicole, um did you hear that noise? I accidentally thought my gas pedal was my brake. I'm sorry." I was a little more then mad at this point, even though in my head I knew that he didn't but I was still pissed off. He then came back to my door laughing and nonchalantly goes, "I was just messing with you Nicole, you should have seen your face!" All the while laughing and my room mate is nowhere to be found,I hope she makes him apologize to me. You just don't do that to someone that hasn't had many nice things (mainly cars) in their life. Maybe it's just me....

Thoughts?

So here's a little diddy for the man child (my friends bf)

Tell me, have you ever lost a friend to a significant other or felt abandoned by a friend?

P.S Let me make it clear, I'm not hot for the guy or jealous of my friend (if she's happy I'm happy,even if I think the guy is a jerk.) and right now I'm just seeing what's out there for me. I don't mind the single life. When someone is supposed to come into my life they will, until then I'm taking care of my stuff and waiting.

My attempt to put some hope in the hopeless.

It seems that my life seems to resonate quite well with the old addage "You don't know what you had until it's gone"; for example the ability to drive. Last week I was going to get my room mate's sister and take her to school but on the way I got into a car accident that totaled my car and severely bruised my ego and hands because before that fateful day things were going splendid for me. I was starting a new job, starting to get my insurance lower and more manageable as well as starting to see a chance of moving out into a place of my own. But my resilience and abundant amount of optimism only let me wallow for about an hour and a half. My dad's voice popped into my head repeating something to me that he had done for many a years and that was "Pull yourself up by your boot straps and go on with your life!" My dad was/is a very wise man, I know that he is deceased but he has never left my heart. :) So I did just that and so far things are already starting to look up, I have two jobs that I actually kind of like and my future is starting to look brighter everyday!

So if you are having a bad day,week,or month I just want to let you know that it will get better, you just need to have some patience and a great supportive group behind you and you will do just fine. If you don't have anyone that you can talk to about anything your going through that is particularly tough to deal with you can talk to me and I will try to help you as best I can.

This may help too: i hope this helps :) and hopefully this too. :)

Have a lovely day/night all!



XOXO

P.S I have been through a LOT in my life and while we all go through different things you never know what you and a stranger have in common until you talk.