Whatever happened to Miss Independent?

First off let me preface this by saying that this post is not in any way shape or form an ode or homage to the ridiculously catchy song by Kelly Clarkson, it's more of my personal pep talk to myself and possibly other young women that let themselves relinquish their God given rights as women to be blinded by the opposite sex.

Note: Any "man bashing" in this is 100% unintentional, and I'm sorry in advance if I offend anyone.


When I came back to college I came to focus solely on my education and my future, in a past post I even referred to my education as "my boyfriend". But since life never works the way we want it to for a good portion of the time, I came to school and got adjusted and before I knew it I was miraculously turned into a giddy, naive 18 year old fresh from high school again and I fell into a relationship head first before school even started. We lasted seven blissful months, and I don't regret any of them either. The only thing about the whole relationship that I do wish that I could have done over would have been to not dote so much, I ended up losing myself in his life instead of focusing on me and getting my shit in order.

My Mom is and will always be one of my heroes, and the simple reason for that is because ever since she and my step-dad divorced nearly 4 years ago she has always done things for my brothers and I without the help of any men and it has shown me that I too shouldn't rely on a man for anything that I can't do myself.

So on that note I vow here and now to let this coming year not be a repeat of last fall. While it was nice and fun and all of that, it was not what I should have been focusing my energy on it. While this manifesto of sorts seems like quite a feat because it almost sounds like I've given up men completely and possibly even switched teams, but it's nothing like that. A girl just needs a break every now and then. Though I did do something the other day that was completely out of my character; I gave my number to a random cute guy at the grocery store the other night while shopping with a friend. It was fun and I felt like I crossed something off of my Bucket List as well as challenged myself and even though he hasn't called because he probably thinks that I'm 18, that's okay. It still felt pretty damn awesome at the time and I'm happy with that.

Right now I think I'm okay with just random dating, but I'm going to be a Summer Finn and go with the flow of life and figure out my own life first.

What's your favorite thing about being single? in a relationship?


xoxo

Last night....

..was amazing. I'm going to keep a secret to/for myself for once because I deserve that much. The 5 other people and myself created a mini world in the space of 8 hours and it was amazing, even during the lull's.

Just to clarify, no I was not involved in an orgy or anything of that nature.


xoxo

Am I suddenly covered in honey or is it vulnerability?

So this weekend has been a fun one, The Rapture didn't happen according to Harold Camping's "prediction" and    
I am apparently covered in honey because ever since last night when I invited a good friend of mine to hang out and watch movies (and we ended up cuddling and flirting, it was fun) it's been like every other guy around me can smell him or something.

What the eff is going on??

I've heard that women have the ability to sense if another woman has been with their man because of the wonder of pheraomones but do guys have the same ability? It sure seems that way, at least it did today. Earlier at work a regular that hasn't been in lately or at least not when I was working came through and he asked me to add him on Facebook, not sure if that will be happening. I have been blatantly hit on by a coworker/friend and he has a girlfriend so that's sufficiently awkward at best sometimes. Also a classmate from high school sent me a random message on Facebook asking me if I was seeing anyone  these days and if I wanted to hang out...I 'm taking him up on his offer though because we may be going to an art museum that I haven't been to in awhile and to go for coffee, harmless right? Let's hope so.

(untitled)

That's it, my Miss Independent thing is getting a little stale. Work used to be a place for me to get human interaction and to feel accepted a little. But due to recent events it is slowly  just becoming just a source of income that I sometimes loathe going to and giving up my weekends for. I'm not exactly complaining here let's just get that straight here and now. My fellow employees are like a little second or third family to me. But sometime's a girl (especially a picky single girl) needs a shake up to a mundane routine.

I feel like I need a distraction from my life, something tangible and physical. I want to rest my head on a warm shoulder, feel the weight of another's hand clasped in mine, ya know among other things. I'm not sure if this is vulnerability or what but it is not desperation. Even though sadly the last person of the opposite sex to touch me was my dentist,....and the lame levels rise.

If you can't tell already, I'm a walking contradiction and I know this. this post is a great example of this admission too. I want what my friend's have, great boyfriends that treat them great and think that the sun rises and falls over their ass, or something like that. I want someone to go to lame movies with just so I can have an excuse to make out with them (not that there ever really needs to be an excuse to make out with someone that you like but it sure doesn't hurt. I sure as hell wouldn't mind having someone to  join me for a meal every now and then, hell I'll even pay for my own meal just eat with me and let's enjoy each other's company! Geez I'm gonna be a cat lady before I'm even 22 and I don't even own any cat's!

Patience sure is a bitch of a thing to do sometimes.

  but dammit I'm lonely!



source:Google Images

"So, how's your love life?"

The other night I was on Facebook just passing time and catching up with some old friends that I haven't talked to in awhile and some newer faces in my life that truthfully I didn't really want to be talking to at the moment. Because let's face it, when you have nothing to say to that person then talking to them is just a waste of yours and their time.

I digress.

One of my best friend's popped up in the chat box and after a bit of talking about and making future plans she told me that she was possibly seeing a new guy, I love her but the girl doesn't pick em too well. Then again I have no room to talk or judge, my latest adventures with boys have not been anything to get to excited about. Then she asked me a question that I somehow knew was coming, yet it still kind of felt like taking a bullet. Not a big one, maybe just a BB. With all the innocence and sweetmess in the world she asked, "so how's your dating life?".....I simply replied "it's a desert, and I push away any chances of rain that come my way right now." Because I'm crazy like that, I wouldn't mind having someone in my life sure, what girl doesn't? But at the same time I've got too much on my plate and in my sights right now to worry about something like the opposite sex. One day he will come, and then I'll be ready.

But in other news as grueling as this whole applying to college thing is and I'm almost in the home stretch there sure seems to be a lot of new stuff popping up, Stupid semantics, always getting in my way. But at least I'm getting closer and closer everyday.

I just want them to say "Yes" and then my heart can stop racing like Seabiscuit.

Sorry but now I'm curious and am going to ask, how's your love life??

xoxo

Good Lord, really?

I checked my email the other day, not really expecting to find anything I was gifted with this nugget; 

Wow you are so pretty and you have a nice and good smile,bet you were created for a good purpose and for a wonderful man like me..I would love to know more about you as your profile and picture really caught my attention .. I am very self reliant and I am honest, loyal and I stand by the ones I love. I expect to be treated with the same respect. ? I dislike false people who cannot stand up for themselves or what they believe in. I don?t like dishonesty in any form, in my opinion,there is no such thing as a white lie. .Lets talk more better..Anyway nice smile..You are so sweet

I have no words to describe how I felt after I read this..other than stupid.

Why do we never learn from our mistakes?

After tonight I think a rant type thing-a-ma-jig is in order here.

Attention gentleman I'm about to let you in on a HUGE secret about your fellow species, the fairer of the sexes, the Eve's to your Adam's. Are you ready? Can you handle it? Ok lean in close it's a big secret that you should all know and try to remember every now and then about the women around you. ALL OF THEM!!
Have you ever seen the movies Witches of Eastwick? Practical Magic? Terms of Endearment? Noticing a pattern or two here? Besides the fact that they are all chick flicks they are also stories of women with power and an emotion or two. But the power in which I speak of is one that we all have (yes some use their's sparingly or not at all) while others would consider it almost like air to them if it had to be used 24/7. It's called Women's Intuition gentlemen! It's probably one of the things that you dislike most about your girlfriend's because us women like to nag, and yes we do think that we are ALWAYS right so stop wasting your breath and just nod your head yes to us 98% of the time. Even if we are wrong in the end eventually some of us will admit it and be slightly remorseful.

Now to the point...betcha might want that now, huh?
Well tonight is finally Saturday! The day/evening that I was supposed to go on a what I thought was fairly set in stone date as far as plans went (meeting place,distance between each other and whatnot). Boy was I 7 sorts of wrong there. I thought we were going to a shopping district area thing for dinner and coffee and to walk and talk or whatever. Nope two hours or so before I was about to get ready and put a little more effort into my appearance he texts me asking where we were meeting. See my confusion?After giving some BS excuses about it "not being his scene" and that he was worried about me being bored and that he didn't know the area too well. He offered up some suggestions and since I am not too active in exploring my native city past the Broadway Bridge (especially alone, and too fairly unfamiliar territory) and especially to meet a near perfect stranger. I listened to my ituition and my friend with whom I was staying with last night and this afternoon and a yellow flag or two showed up and any possible dangers that may have lurked in tonight's shadows were dodged.

I think it's time for a little info about the gentleman- a pro's and con's list if you will.

Pro's

• He's smart and funny.
• A college grad and has a steady job that he is good at.
• He wrote me a character reference for a job that I applied for that is the same company that he works for just a different location.
• He made me feel special for awhile.

Con's

He lives in Overland Park.

No offense to the guy but in my past experiences with guys from that area they seem to think that their money and cars and the sizes of their houses give them the right to treat women that are not from that area like dirt under their over priced shoes. Sorry bucko but that's not how us Missouri girl's (like me) roll.


I hit a new record for myself, I did something wrong to upset them or scare them off before we have even met, even though we had been talking for about a month or two! Even after I gave him a "quasi apology" he kept pouring salt in as though everything was kosher. I'm not stupid so there's no reason to talk to me as though your my teacher or something. I am also not one to start drama because it's completely unnecessary! But a simple answer would have sufficed for me, either meet me at the what I thought was a previously discussed and agreed upon location or just say no. My skin has become pretty thick and resiliant against emotions and some attempts to hurt from others so I wasn't really all that hurt. I was doing what I would have been doing if I hadn't made the date in the first place and was off work anyways and I had fun hanging out with a friend and getting introduced to The United States of Tara.

But tomorrow's another day!

How was every one else's weekends?

xoxo

I am woman, hear me ROAR!

Attention gentlemen THIS ..."Hey is your mom Single? She's extremely GORGEOUS. You are too, and you look a lot better with long hair, but still beautiful :D.I like your profile. Would you like to get to know each other?"... is NOT the way to get a girls positive attention. At least not a girl like me anyways, maybe I'm being too tough on the opposite sex these days because I'm a little jaded, or I just really know what I am looking for in a guy, but what are you gonna do? 


Don't get my wrong I wouldn't mind having a guy to wrap his arms around me during a movie, have a picnic with and take pictures with on lovely days such as these. Also, having a guy that can keep muggers away, and isn't afraid of things. I've been through too much already in my life that I don't want a guy that is going to hold me down and keep me down just because of their own insecurities. That's just not how I roll, sorry. I know that everyone has their own sets of insecurities and I totally have a handful or two of my own, no denying that. 

I'm also a hopeless romantic so the fact that I'm so cynical about love and guys (right now) doesn't really make sense, I know. But I have learned enough from my mom and from being born in the age of the independent woman that success is possible without a man.  


I do have unfaltering faith that there IS someone out there for me that is more or less exactly what I'm looking for in a guy, and as long as they can accept my eccentricities and I will promise to accept their's with my whole heart and nothing less. I know that I have a lot of things to work on and with time and a shit load of patience from both sides, progress will be made..


Til' then it's all about ME..


xoxo

Single Awareness Day is upon us..let the countdown begin!

Wow, it has been forever since I have wrote anything. I'm sorry :( I'd be lying if I said I haven't been thinking about you dear blog readers but I just haven't had anything to really write about. Well I have but I have but it's personal stuff. Even though I clearly have no filter for myself on my blog or in real life.

Okay first off, Happy New Year! How was everyone's did you do anything cooler than I did? I wrapped myself in a sweater and watched Snooki get lowered to the ground at the speed of a snail with my mom,instead of going out to a party or wearing the cute dress I bought and intended to wear that night. Suffice to say the Missouri weather kicked that plan right out the window.
I was reading a tweet earlier from a fellow blogger ChelsTalksSmack: she said exactly what I have thinking for about this past week or longer,"Being single is overrated" and to add to that nugget of common sense dating these days sucks too. I think the only "cool" time to be single is when you have a wicked awesome job and live in a cool city. Or if your in college apparently . I wouldn't know this though because I am not in school at the moment but when I did go it may have been cool. I was trying to stay focused so the opposite sex was just fun to admire from and laugh at from afar. Oh to be younger again and actually do things right. But I know I know "Everything happens for a reason." Yada yada yada.
As far as the stores are concerned though Febuary 14th is already here, I was in Wal-Mart the other night after a family dinner doing some bored browsing and half the store was covered in red and pinks and other shades associated with Singles Awareness Day and I was reminded once again that I'm single and it still kind of sucks. You can only go to so many movies alone  so many times before you become friends with the employees and the movies just start to get that much duller especially when you go alone. But I am enjoying being single while I have the chance..Girl Power!
So far the only thing that I can think of that I'm looking forward to on February 14th is an oncologist appointment to make sure that I'm still good and in remission. I haven't been feeling too bad except for a minor cold or two so I think I'm good. Fingers crossed.

I do realize that this post is WAY too early for a Valentine's Day blog but it had to be flushed from my brain sooner than later. So I wanna know if your single how do you celebrate or not on Single Awareness Day? If your taken, congrats your the cutest couple ever! What do you plan to do with your significant other this year?

I'll try to write  more and on a more regular basis from now on. Wifi issues kind of messed up my preferred writing times.
xoxo

If only my life were a John Hughes movie.

Okay no more distractions! Just the alotted music and Facebook because um I'm an addict like 95% of Americans. Plus I wrote a really good status that I want to keep tabs on. Oh narcissism.

In my last post I said something along the lines of "During my night out my room mate text me to ask if I was coming home tonight. I don't know if she was assuming something or what but as far as I can gather so far because of the fact that I am not in a relationship with anyone right now and that I go on an occasional date now and then and meet new people that I am the equivalant of a Satist in their (my friend's boyfriend's and hers) eye's. I don't know nor do I care at this point because even though my life is not all fancy and all that jazz like their's has been for the past 5/6 months I don't care because I'm happy that I get to keep my options open." . Which got me thinking about the movie Easy A. Which I can relate to really well except for the fact that I haven't had any imaginary flings (let alone any real ones) with any guys lately BUT I do have a Marianne in my life who tends to be a little judgmental at times as to the way I live my "oh so scandalous life"

Sure my life is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but is any one's  really? I don't know how a series of roughly two dates or date equivalence  in my head have managed to make my roommate and probably her family think that I'm some (any of the words above) that let's a guy take advantage of me and that I have some major issues since losing my dad this year but I don't. I really don't, if anything I am just lonely and want some sort of companionship every now and then and since my friend is hardly ever home to hang out or do anything with nowadays I have to go to other friend's houses and hang out with them or I opt to stay longer at work to absorb that little bit of human connection. When I'm not at home I get my human connection through Twitter and Youtube because a lot of my friends from any of my school years or any just recently found friends live too far away for me to meet them or even hang out with them. 

Also, the other morning out of boredom and because there was nothing else on TV I watched PBS and they were showing a program called "The Science of Happiness" and apparently being lonely is as bad for your health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day,who knew? 

Question time! How do you deal with your loneliness or if your not lonely but dating how do you deal with it when your friend(s) think that your becoming "out of control" even though you haven't done anything with anyone, or you have but it's been PG unless ya know you have been together for a while. 

Please help, any sort of advice will help me greatly right now! 

XOXO

The mystery has been solved!

Tonight was my first actual (I guess I could say that, there hasn't been confirmation) date in about six months. We met at a pool hall/restaurant and bar and attempted to play a game of pool but due to my crappy skills at the game he ended up playing the game by himself and we just chatted as he ended the game. The night continued on and it appeared that a connection was developing quite well, and as I more or less gave him my whole life story I began to realize something; I do this to every guy I meet, I tell them my whole life story as a sort of test to see whether or not they will bolt after that day/night or if they want to stick around someone as insanely complex as myself.

As I thought more about my revelation on the drive home it also made me realize that back in my teenage days I actually stayed with boyfriends for at least roughly 10-11 months. I didn't have to tell them my whole life story because my whole life story wasn't as bizarre and twisted as it has been up to this point. Sure I enjoy my independence but I'm only human and well I think The Smith's said it best..

During my night out my room mate text me to ask if I was coming home tonight. I don't know if she was assuming something or what but as far as I can gather so far because of the fact that I am not in a relationship with anyone right now and that I go on an occasional date now and then and meet new people that I am the equivalant of a Satist in their (my friend's boyfriend's and hers) eye's. I don't know nor do I care at this point because even though my life is not all fancy and all that jazz like their's has been for the past 5/6 months I don't care because I'm happy that I get to keep my options open. Now this is not a feminist crusade or anything I am just happy where I am right now in my life, and that I don't need a man to make me whole. Sure they help but when a great one comes a long then I'll be ready for him to come into my chaotic life 'til then I'm going to live it up.

Now that that is out of my system and I have stood on my soap box I'm going to finish my movie and eat my cake.

What are your feelings on being an independent person and dating freely vs. being in a committed relationship?

The Pros and Cons of being single (during the holidays)

It's that time of year again folks! Football games are in full swing, chili is being made by the gallon and couples every where are anticipating many firsts in the their relationships. Or some of the more seasoned couples are wishing they could do this. I on the other hand will be most likely feeding my internet addiction, visiting family and a few friends, and watching my DVD collection for the 2nd or 3rd time in a row. Lame right? I know! My increasing levels of lame never cease to amaze me so that is why I have decided to compile a list of Pros and Cons of being single during this lovely time of year.

Pro: You can eat whatever you want and not feel guilty about it.
Con: Right before Spring you start to feel a tad bit guilty about it.

Pro: You don't have to worry about buying any gifts for their side of the family (including just a bottle of wine)
Con: Not having anyone to cuddle up next to the fireplace with to drink cocoa.

Pro: You get full control of the remote, so all of those old school holiday movies that you love are yours for the enjoying.
Con: You get to cuddle on the couch with the cat or the dog.

Pro: You can make up excuses to leave a couple filled party and go do your own thing.
Con: At said parties you are reminded that you're still single.

Pro: You prep your car for the winter and show the car who's boss!
Con: A car smart guy is always a helpful friend to have around.

Pro: No one to keep you from having a great time!
Con: No one is there to stop you from having too much of a great time.

Pro: Your time and money is spent the way you want.
Con: Sometimes it's nice to surpise someone with little gifts and with your time.

Pro: You come home to your own thing.
Con: If you have had a bad day, you don't have anyone that is already there to comfort you.

So it seems that this has just become a general Pros and Cons list of the single life,which tends to be a very sharp double edged sword unless you have managed to snag a really, really great guy or girl and then in that case I wish you nothing but the best for days to come! :) If not then embrace the independence and the freedom that single life offers! Because being an independent and self sufficient member of society is a beautiful thing!

So what are some of your Pros and Cons about the single life, or if your in a relationship what are the Pros and Cons of it?

Have a lovely day/evening all!

xoxo