The countdown begins..again!

It's finally August, which means several things for me and so far they seem to be equal amounts of good and bad. Which sucks, because it's still officially summer, I still have some time to have some fun before I have to go back to school. But that doesn't seem to be the case for me this summer, wanna know why? I'm too busy being an adult and trying to figure everything out.

In a nutshell and in no particular order, here's some of the things that are currently raising my blood pressure:

• This weekend my ex and his new girlfriend move back to campus to begin RA training. I intend to be nice to them when it's necessary, but I also intend to make  as little contact with either of them.
• My car still isn't in my possession yet. I picked it out almost two weeks ago and my uncle who is working very hard to get everything for it to be officially mine is working himself to the ground and I appreciate it, but not driving for almost half a year is tough on a girl. 
• My roommate and I are waiting to hear back about jobs on campus that we were the first to apply to and we haven't heard anything yet and we're starting to get very worrisome. 
• Plus, I haven't received any information about my financial aid awards for the year yet, and I kind of need these. Like as much as I need the job that I'm freaking out about. 
• Also, I currently kind of like two guys at the same time. But I'm also worried that liking them may mess up my goal of being an independent this year. 

So, yeah...welcome to August everyone! Future college students, if you're anything like me apparently the beginning of your sophomore year is going to be bittersweet. The first part of the month sadly more bitter than sweet. 

and...............I'm done. For now. 

xoxo

Whatever happened to Miss Independent?

First off let me preface this by saying that this post is not in any way shape or form an ode or homage to the ridiculously catchy song by Kelly Clarkson, it's more of my personal pep talk to myself and possibly other young women that let themselves relinquish their God given rights as women to be blinded by the opposite sex.

Note: Any "man bashing" in this is 100% unintentional, and I'm sorry in advance if I offend anyone.


When I came back to college I came to focus solely on my education and my future, in a past post I even referred to my education as "my boyfriend". But since life never works the way we want it to for a good portion of the time, I came to school and got adjusted and before I knew it I was miraculously turned into a giddy, naive 18 year old fresh from high school again and I fell into a relationship head first before school even started. We lasted seven blissful months, and I don't regret any of them either. The only thing about the whole relationship that I do wish that I could have done over would have been to not dote so much, I ended up losing myself in his life instead of focusing on me and getting my shit in order.

My Mom is and will always be one of my heroes, and the simple reason for that is because ever since she and my step-dad divorced nearly 4 years ago she has always done things for my brothers and I without the help of any men and it has shown me that I too shouldn't rely on a man for anything that I can't do myself.

So on that note I vow here and now to let this coming year not be a repeat of last fall. While it was nice and fun and all of that, it was not what I should have been focusing my energy on it. While this manifesto of sorts seems like quite a feat because it almost sounds like I've given up men completely and possibly even switched teams, but it's nothing like that. A girl just needs a break every now and then. Though I did do something the other day that was completely out of my character; I gave my number to a random cute guy at the grocery store the other night while shopping with a friend. It was fun and I felt like I crossed something off of my Bucket List as well as challenged myself and even though he hasn't called because he probably thinks that I'm 18, that's okay. It still felt pretty damn awesome at the time and I'm happy with that.

Right now I think I'm okay with just random dating, but I'm going to be a Summer Finn and go with the flow of life and figure out my own life first.

What's your favorite thing about being single? in a relationship?


xoxo

Crossing one finish line just in time to start another race.

My first full year as a college student comes to a bitter sweet end in a week and a half. I'm at a total loss for words  as for how to describe my love and appreciation for my new friend's that I've met here. They really have become like a second family. I've been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work on projects online and on campus that are conducive to my major.  Last month (April) my RHD and several other people in my residence hall decided to do another production of The Vagina Monologues, and since I've never seen the show and my curiosity, got the best of me. So I signed up to help with the publicity and advertising for the event, and holy crap on a stick! not only was the show phenomenal, but the real stories and the women of my school that were performing them were beyond amazing.
This year I've also taken bold and enlightening class choices in a major effort to better my writing skills and all that effort will be paying off next year when I'll be the assistant editor for my school's yearbook!! So not only will my writing be featured and published in an award winning yearbook next year for this year's book, but I also get as many copies of the book as I want. I intend on grabbing at least a handful and marking all of my stories and sending them to several family members to show them my progress thus far in school. Another plus to being an editor next semester is that I get to go to Chicago with the rest of the editor's, which is going to be awesome because  I've never been on an airplane before and I've never traveled any farther than Iowa and Nebraska. My name is Nicole and I'm a traveling n00b!

Now that it's nearly finals week and things around school are becoming even more hectic and deadlines are rearing their ugly heads I'm ready for the summer and next semester's round of classes to come along. During the summer  I am going to hopefully be working on campus and when I'm not working I plan to read, write, do yoga and make some money. I really need to get me back in order. This semester has helped and hurt it, but I'll be okay. Things usually turn out better for those with faith in something than those that don't anyways.

How has your year gone? How are you hoping your summer goes?

xoxo

Words and things..

Sorry I've been such a slacker on posting lately. I've been writing posts but they only make it as far as the drafts file and it really sucks because I used to be good at this whole blogging thing.. You'd think that being in college that I would  be rife with material but sadly that hasn't completely been my case this year. I have a lot of stories that I could/would share with you guys, but some are not mine to tell and well I don't want to get in trouble for practicing my right as an American so I just stick to writing huge research papers and creeping other people's blogs for inspiration.  But what I can tell you guys is that...

While in college I have;

Learned to appreciate Nicki Minaj more so than before, especially Super Bass. I'm a sheep that's a sucker for catchy stupid music.

Started to absolutely loathe and detest country music for the most part, mainly because my roommate insists on listening to it (and having a night light) on to sleep with. Suffice to say I arranged my side of the room around to keep my sanity.

Changed my sleeping habits considerably, instead of going to sleep early-ish  like I initially planned I usually fall into bed around 3AM, all I have to say to that is thank goodness for Einstein brothers and coffee carts.

Met SOO many amazing people, fellow nerdfighters, bloggers, foreign exchange students (I've met a Russian and a Brit and didn't even have to cross any oceans to meet them)  and everything in between. I love it so much!! I knew that this would happen but I didn't realize that it would really ever happen to me.

Finally traveled to another state and went on my first road trip to Nebraska with some people from my hall, their friend and my boyfriend. I finally saw a good portion of the famous Omaha Zoo, had a taste of Runza and other Nebraska fare. It was a great experience and I can't wait to do it again. I am also going to try and post pictures of that eventually. Midterms are next week so I'm going to try and get as much as I can done.

Okay, that's about all I could think of for now...what are your best college experiences?

My first two weeks of college in pictures..

I haven't gone completely MIA from the blogging world..I've been busy with school and being generally pleased as fucking punch lately and I've been trying to keep the momentum going. So in lieu of blabbering about my first two weeks of college I've decided to just do the next best thing and photo blog the experience so far. Enjoy!

 football baby!

 new friends <3

 a stud of a boyfriend. 

 my first double dating experience

 random people at a bar with some stellar dance moves

 White boys can't dance :p

 we aren't normal people, we dance in our chairs

xoxo

Talking myself down..

I just got out of my first class and we were given our first assignment! It's a fun assignment but it also includes and essay and while it shouldn't really scare me since writing is a passion of mine it's kind of intimidating, not going to lie. It's a simple self survey but I think that the nerves I'm feeling are more about the essay part because I still think that my writing mojo is MIA, I have my moments but in the last four years I haven't been in this situation so I used my blog to keep my writing at least mildly intact and decent. 

I'm not sure why I'm so worried, I will probably do just fine I just don't want a repeat of my first college try..and I will NOT let myself get that way! 

I hate that we  humans tend to be our own worst enemies, hate, hate, HATE it!

xoxo

Breaking News

I don't have a lot of time to write this because I actually used my time semi productively at the library today because our wifi is out again. Surprised? Neither am I. But I went to the mailbox the other day and that letter that I have been agonizing and stressing out like crazy over for the past month or so came and while I shook like a leaf in a hurricane upon it's arrival I gathered my courage, opened it and well...they said yes! My appeal went through, though I have to do a few provisionary things but I'm still in and going and will finally get to meet my roommate and have everything else that I've been talking about in past posts happen!

My elation cannot even be put into words let alone one emotional blog post.

Now I have 6 days to do what most people have had done for the past month or so...no pressure because I have an adrenaline rush that will last me til Christmas!

xoxo

48 Days, but who's counting? Oh, that's right, me.

So I know that it's only just July but I'm partially crazy so this post is for my own benefit, sorry. Starting today I have 48 days to get all of my school stuff done and over with so that I can be ready for the fall. That includes getting books, school supplies, and dorm essentials, ya know the usual stuff freshman need. The fact that I'm broke enough already and have to pay August's rent when I thought I didn't doesn't help much either. The fact that I keep acting like a child that is actually ready for their first day at school is killing my brothers, but I can't help it that I'm oozing with excitement for my future.

I also get to finish getting my dental stuff done, which I hope is soon because other than the three more small things that I have to do besides getting out my wisdom teeth I'm ready to not see the dentist for another 6 more months. Did you know that there's dental sand paper? I didn't.

I also get the always fun time of saving up enough money in between this time to get my car fixed before I leave for school and actually have some until I get a job up there, and hopefully I can get one on campus at Orientation in two weeks.

In these last 48 days I'm also going to try and get in better graces with my mom and brothers, and try to go see my other little brother and family that live downtown. I've been a little distant with the latter and I really want to change that and let them know that I love them and care for them and that I'm not as selfish as I may seem. I'm just busy and suck at getting down there when I plan to.

I hope every one has a great fourth of July weekend! I know I will, I'll be indulging in cupcakes and trying my first bottle of wine and enjoying the house all to myself before reality throws itself at me like a wicked curve ball.

xoxo

P.S I'm reading a new book called The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake and so far it's so good. Would you guys like me to keep reviewing books? I've done two so just let me know.

I think you should read this.

So after a month of freaking the fuck out and my stress levels being as high as the Burj Kahlifa in Dubai I finally got an answer last night. My mom checked the mail (finally, it only took her two weeks) and boy was there a bunch of stuff for me!!

these are my nails, or lack there of. Stress has wreaked havoc on me for awhile now and this is the outcome. Gum doesn't help and you can only eat so much chocolate and ice cream. 

Aside from a few close friends, you guys have the pleasure of getting the first mass announcement! Tonight, I tell work and Facebook. 

Why can't you just let me have this!?

Know what sucks?  When a person that is supposed to support you in everything that you do (whether it ends up not working out or not) doesn't support you and more or less just does everything that they can to hold you down, especially when you are doing everything in your power to get out and carve your own path.

That's kinda what I'm going through right now.

The other day my mom was talking to me about my recent decisions: to apply to Uni and start the next chapter in my life. She instead wants me to go to the old community college that I tried before and only made it a semester because living with my family, going through all the drama that was going on at that time was causing my grades and concentration to slip horribly. That along with other circumstances beyond my control. She also wants me to move into a house that she may be moving into soon and as nice as that would be I don't want to, I need my freedom and for her to let me go a little bit.  She's also worried that I'll get there, graduate and find a job that only pays $8 an hour and will eventually default on my loans. I won't let that happen. I'm smarter than she thinks. I know she's scared, because I am too but it's a good kind of scared. She's also worried about me finding a job when I move. I get where she's coming from, if  I move then I have to quit my job, I will be in slightly unfamiliar territory, I'll be experiencing a lot of new things that I have always wanted to but haven't yet had the chance to. But I'll be fine. Her and my dad raised me quite well.

I realize that my mom brings up valid points but I'm already more than halfway through the process and if they say yes then I'm going. I want to make her and my Dad proud but it's hard to make her proud when she won't even let me go due to her own fears.

Sorry, I had to get that out. I pray that tomorrow goes well for me! I need it to like a fish needs water.


xoxo

This post is the blog equivalant of Swiss Cheese.

CAUTION: THIS POST IS NOT ENTIRELY FILLED WITH EVERY DETAIL AND NUANCE THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. It's the equivalant of Swiss Cheese, which we all know is the best cheese!


Why wasn't I given a courtesy warning about how aggraviting applying to school can be? Seriously guys, I almost had a meltdown today in the library after asking my mom for one bit of information of hers. I'm better now and can actually form words and sentences to chronicle the whole debacle.

This morning after getting my brother up and off to school I laid back down because 7 am is not a great functioning time for me, well I set my alarm to wake me back up at like 10 or so so that I could get some shit done and get this whole thing done and over with. I slept through the alarm!!!! I woke up at noon instead and checked my phone to see the time and nearly fell out of the bed trying to get out so that I could make up for the things I should have been doing earlier.

I had already filled out my Housing App and was starting to feel really good about it all until I went on the school's website and saw that the FAFSA information that I semi-celebrated completing yesterday was not in fact the right thing! I don't even know what the hell I did, nor do I care to say more about it then I'm going to here. I got up, got dressed and damn near flew to the library to fix everything. I got there and filled out the right information and am now almost done, again!! I also went to my old high school to get my high school transcripts and immunization information and I kind of started to miss it. Kind of. I definitely don't miss the "holier than thou" mindsets that some of the kids have these days but it also comes with living in an upper middle class town but actually being lower middle class.

Now all I have left to do is finish the FAFSA (again) and get another one of my transcripts and take the transcripts and housing information to the school. I'm so exhausted.

Also, my deadline in May 2, and I don't have my transcripts for the CC I went to.Though I'm going to try and get them tomorrow so that I can hand deliver everything myself on Monday. My head is going to explode!!

I'm so close, yet it feels so far away too.

I'm chalking today up to yet another one of Life's Lessons.

How is everyone's Friday going?

P.S If you don't see anymore posts from me after the 2nd or 3rd of May then you can assume that I've probably freaked out and ran away or have just gone to sit in a corner and am crying and talking to a plant.
xoxo

"So, how's your love life?"

The other night I was on Facebook just passing time and catching up with some old friends that I haven't talked to in awhile and some newer faces in my life that truthfully I didn't really want to be talking to at the moment. Because let's face it, when you have nothing to say to that person then talking to them is just a waste of yours and their time.

I digress.

One of my best friend's popped up in the chat box and after a bit of talking about and making future plans she told me that she was possibly seeing a new guy, I love her but the girl doesn't pick em too well. Then again I have no room to talk or judge, my latest adventures with boys have not been anything to get to excited about. Then she asked me a question that I somehow knew was coming, yet it still kind of felt like taking a bullet. Not a big one, maybe just a BB. With all the innocence and sweetmess in the world she asked, "so how's your dating life?".....I simply replied "it's a desert, and I push away any chances of rain that come my way right now." Because I'm crazy like that, I wouldn't mind having someone in my life sure, what girl doesn't? But at the same time I've got too much on my plate and in my sights right now to worry about something like the opposite sex. One day he will come, and then I'll be ready.

But in other news as grueling as this whole applying to college thing is and I'm almost in the home stretch there sure seems to be a lot of new stuff popping up, Stupid semantics, always getting in my way. But at least I'm getting closer and closer everyday.

I just want them to say "Yes" and then my heart can stop racing like Seabiscuit.

Sorry but now I'm curious and am going to ask, how's your love life??

xoxo

A little cooperation please!?

So I'm at Starbucks writing a post...again.

But I came with a reason (zero wifi at home) and plenty of gusto today I was going to fill out my FAFSA and apply to the school that I want to go to, and I was doing just fine on my progress of the form until it came to 'Parent Finances' and since my mom is at home slothing around on the couch and wouldn't let me use her desktop to fill it out to avoid further procrastination I came to write where I usually always do. Anywoo, I got to the main tab of PF where they ask about taxes and how much you're worth and all that shiz and since my mom is  there and I'm here I was calling and asking her questions. Some she answered pleasantly and then I called one last time asking her about tax info and the shit hit the fan. She told me, "I don't feel comfortable with you sitting in a Starbucks giving out my personal and financial information to these people, it's none of their business, let alone yours!" Suffice to say I saved my progress, which was nearly at 100 percent by that time and am here now, venting.

I know why she is pissed off too, besides the fact that I'm asking for personal information and numbers it's also because if I go to school and am 45 minutes away she will have no one but my brother's to keep the house up to her perfectionist standards. It will also mean that she will lose the $100 a month that I pay her for rent and I won't be around to pay her bills when I go pay mine. The downside of having the same phone and car insurance companies, it has it's pros and cons. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and brother's but it's time for this little birdy to fly the coop and that involves a little bit of cooperation and understanding from momma bird. I swear once I get accepted and all that fun collegiate stuff she won't have to push anymore, I'll be OUT like a light.
I'm so sick of sleeping on a couch and feeling tied to the house all the time. If anything in my  mom's eyes she should be happy as hell for me for wanting to go back to school and putting effort into making it happen for myself, even if it's not for something that she wants me to be. But that's something she's going to have to deal with on her own. I've dealt with enough nurses and doctor's and the like in my life that I'd rather just go to them for their services, not actually be one. I want to pick up where I left off years ago and barrel ahead like  I know I can. I'm having a hard time making her and myself proud by continuing the things that I'm doing now.

Okay, I'm done..thank you for letting me get that off my chest guys.

I'm having two guest post's this weekend and they should be up today or tomorrow, hopefully.

Have a good day all :)

xoxo