Why can't you just let me have this!?

Know what sucks?  When a person that is supposed to support you in everything that you do (whether it ends up not working out or not) doesn't support you and more or less just does everything that they can to hold you down, especially when you are doing everything in your power to get out and carve your own path.

That's kinda what I'm going through right now.

The other day my mom was talking to me about my recent decisions: to apply to Uni and start the next chapter in my life. She instead wants me to go to the old community college that I tried before and only made it a semester because living with my family, going through all the drama that was going on at that time was causing my grades and concentration to slip horribly. That along with other circumstances beyond my control. She also wants me to move into a house that she may be moving into soon and as nice as that would be I don't want to, I need my freedom and for her to let me go a little bit.  She's also worried that I'll get there, graduate and find a job that only pays $8 an hour and will eventually default on my loans. I won't let that happen. I'm smarter than she thinks. I know she's scared, because I am too but it's a good kind of scared. She's also worried about me finding a job when I move. I get where she's coming from, if  I move then I have to quit my job, I will be in slightly unfamiliar territory, I'll be experiencing a lot of new things that I have always wanted to but haven't yet had the chance to. But I'll be fine. Her and my dad raised me quite well.

I realize that my mom brings up valid points but I'm already more than halfway through the process and if they say yes then I'm going. I want to make her and my Dad proud but it's hard to make her proud when she won't even let me go due to her own fears.

Sorry, I had to get that out. I pray that tomorrow goes well for me! I need it to like a fish needs water.


xoxo

A little cooperation please!?

So I'm at Starbucks writing a post...again.

But I came with a reason (zero wifi at home) and plenty of gusto today I was going to fill out my FAFSA and apply to the school that I want to go to, and I was doing just fine on my progress of the form until it came to 'Parent Finances' and since my mom is at home slothing around on the couch and wouldn't let me use her desktop to fill it out to avoid further procrastination I came to write where I usually always do. Anywoo, I got to the main tab of PF where they ask about taxes and how much you're worth and all that shiz and since my mom is  there and I'm here I was calling and asking her questions. Some she answered pleasantly and then I called one last time asking her about tax info and the shit hit the fan. She told me, "I don't feel comfortable with you sitting in a Starbucks giving out my personal and financial information to these people, it's none of their business, let alone yours!" Suffice to say I saved my progress, which was nearly at 100 percent by that time and am here now, venting.

I know why she is pissed off too, besides the fact that I'm asking for personal information and numbers it's also because if I go to school and am 45 minutes away she will have no one but my brother's to keep the house up to her perfectionist standards. It will also mean that she will lose the $100 a month that I pay her for rent and I won't be around to pay her bills when I go pay mine. The downside of having the same phone and car insurance companies, it has it's pros and cons. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and brother's but it's time for this little birdy to fly the coop and that involves a little bit of cooperation and understanding from momma bird. I swear once I get accepted and all that fun collegiate stuff she won't have to push anymore, I'll be OUT like a light.
I'm so sick of sleeping on a couch and feeling tied to the house all the time. If anything in my  mom's eyes she should be happy as hell for me for wanting to go back to school and putting effort into making it happen for myself, even if it's not for something that she wants me to be. But that's something she's going to have to deal with on her own. I've dealt with enough nurses and doctor's and the like in my life that I'd rather just go to them for their services, not actually be one. I want to pick up where I left off years ago and barrel ahead like  I know I can. I'm having a hard time making her and myself proud by continuing the things that I'm doing now.

Okay, I'm done..thank you for letting me get that off my chest guys.

I'm having two guest post's this weekend and they should be up today or tomorrow, hopefully.

Have a good day all :)

xoxo