Watching the sun set.

Some times I’m glad that I don’t have a TV in my house. Today was especially one of those days. If I had gotten up this morning and turned the TV to CNN while getting ready for work today than I can 100% guarantee you that I would have called in sick to work, because I would be paralyzed and stuck to my bed or some where around it. 

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”—

Mahatma Gandhi

I came across this quote earlier today when I got off work and pretty much tortured myself with the articles on CNN and other news sites, as I’m sure many other Americans have today. And you know what? Gandhi was a wise, old man and his quotes aren’t posted on the Internet and scribbled in people’s quote journal’s, and etched into the men and women that have actually had the pleasure of meeting him’s hearts and brain’s for nothing. 

Yes, James Holmes is a terrible man, and did a terrible thing to innocent people for his own selfish and unknown reasons, but we must not forget these very simple words that a very sweet old man said one day to comfort the world and those around him when a tragedy struck. 

My thoughts strength, prayers, and infinite love goes out to the family members of the deceased and to the ones that are in hospitals right now fighting for their lives, which is something that I am all too familiar with. Tonight I felt that it was necessary to reflect on everything, and even though my summer has kind of sucked, I’m grateful that I’m here to actually get through it. I literally just watched the sunset over my school and the pond on it’s property, from my kitchen (because it has the perfect view) and I just ate my dinner and watched as the sun sank below the trees and buildings and away from me for another day, only to return tomorrow. 

Go hug you someone you love and make sure they know that you love them too. Life is short and can end mid-sentence. 

Two years tomorrow

Rest in Peace, Dad I miss you and I wish you were still here to see me and Lucas growing into the amazing adults that you raised us with the intention of being. It's hard with out you here some times, but we're hanging in there as best as we know how.


xoxo

"Nebraska, Nebraska, I love you."

So far my first actual college Spring Break has been pretty amazing, despite the trouble we had getting here, and it's only day three.  So far my boyfriend, his sister and I have adventured to Red Mango, a cute little frozen yogurt and smoothie joint and to a  sweet factory, called Rocket Fizz, which pretty much contains all of my worldly passions sans books in one quaint building.

Sadly though, our Spring Break did not start off as care free and wonderful as it has been. The boyfriend and I were Nebraska bound and just outside of the town our school is in when my car started to get this weird smell, and since our school's town is full of factories that may have been expelling the putrid smell, it wasn't. We looked out my back window and saw a massive amount of exhaust coming out of my car, so we went to get some oil in it. We were too late, we pulled over to the side of the road and had to make at least 4 calls a piece to find someone to tell us what may be wrong with it and to see if they could come get us. We finally got someone to come get us and to take us back to school for the night and wait for morning to call a tow truck.

The next morning we called a tow truck and finally got my car back on campus, we got out our bags and headed to Nebraska with the bf's dad and sister. I don't want this week to end, but I know that we have to go back to real life, and school, but it's days away so I'm not entirely worried right now. I just hope that my car will be able to be fixed with the little money I do have and that my financial woes will get better over the summer.  Til then I'm just going to enjoy the chirping of the birds, the warmth of the sun on my face and the smell of home cooked meals.

What are you doing for your Spring Break??

xoxo

Observations from the outside looking in.

Today, this week has been a long and grueling one. 

My stress levels are about as up and down as my circadian rhythm. 

I’ve changed my major (for the second and hopefully last time).

I really, REALLY despise math. I see no point in it right now and how it will help me in my major, other than basic things. I would love to be done with it now. 

Espresso and chocolate have become two major players in my diet.

 I need more art in my life, including the chance to make it and indulge myself completely in it. I don’t care as long as it’s tangible. 

Freshman year really is the most stressful, I think I’ve gained my “freshman 15” and then some in the past month since the semester has started. 

I want to win the lottery and pay off school and save some for future semesters, and then help my mom out a bit. 

I want to get lost in a beautiful book. 

I need a hug. 

I know that things in my life will get better, but these rough days are just the exchange I get for having some pretty awesome days at the beginning of this week. And I’m okay with that. 

Yoga, I should start doing that.

xoxo 

sweet, simple relief

I've had a better day today. The stress has seems to be mostly slept away and while I'm still haunted by some of the things that I need to actually be worrying about I did the closest thing to cost effective therapy that I could do.

I found my boyfriend, who has also been under a lot of stress lately too, and we just held each other.

The Boyfriend: An Introduction

Dear fellow Scatterbrain admirers,

     This is the boyfriend.  She asked me to write something for her blog a while ago and I promised her I would.  If the metaphorical bubble hasn't already burst, I'm not the perfect boyfriend as I should have posted before now.  That is not to say I don't try because I certainly do.  In fact, I'm in love with her.  Every day, I learn that she is even more wonderful than I thought the day before.  Nicole is both smart and funny.  Cute and sweet.  Goofy and attractive.  Kind and selfless.  Loyal and honest.  She has a beautiful smile that graces my eyes often and she cooks so that my taste buds water and my stomach is contently full.  She is definitely the most complete girl that I have ever dated.  I mean it when I say that I am lucky.  She the kind of woman that entered my life and quickly made me so glad that others left it.  The last four months with her have been truly wonderful.  I would write more but we have to go to lunch and a couple basketball games.  I will write again, and probably soon.  Until then, continue enjoying Nicole's blog and keep her company.

With nothing but honesty,

The Boyfriend

Sparks-setting sketch-high school portfolio (1)

Like the hollowing out of a pumpkin on Halloween, visiting the lake house at the Lake of the Ozarks is a tradition every summer for my family. The cement moat around the house is covered in a mosaic of multicolored leaves and  the fire pit is gray and dingy with ash.

Over a hill as tall as a full grown tree distant voices and twigs snapping under foot can be heard. Then two blond teenagers come into focus, one is very energetic whole the other is a little standoffish. The boys gently climb under a wire that divides the two lots and begin to work their way towards the house where plastic chairs and a table are being noisily dragged across the cement. A spark of fire has been lit give the dull gray cement an orange pigmentation. Leaves are being thrown into the smoldering fire making the air around it smell more like autumn than summer.

A crowd of people are gathered around the freshly lit orange glowing fire and conversations are in progress. The two teenagers welcome everyone back for the summer and offer to help unload the bundles and packages from the overstuffed back of vehicles. In a chair set farther back from everyone a lonely girl sits alone with a thick novel reading quietly to herself.

One of the boys bringing up and overfilled cooler from one of the vehicles suddenly stops short and notices the ever changing color of the girl's eyes, after after nearly dropping the cooler on his foot he is brought back to reality and the girl continues reading. In  that split second of time, the world and everyone in it just stopped for the two of them and a spark was ignited between them that only they could feel the warmth of.


Thoughts? I wrote in it high school. New stuff is in the works between classes.

xoxo

The Boy Who Lived

Tonight I write with a heavy heart,a  tear swollen face and a head full of questions. I'm actually kind of at a loss for words tonight as I just walked out of the funeral roughly three hours ago and I've done nothing but sit in front of the television and veg out. Tonight of course is the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 2 premiere and I'm meeting some friends at the theatre tonight so this whole day is going to be a somber one.

I don't really know what else to say because a lot of this is very personal to me and yes normally I'm an open book on ASOAS but tonight I don't think that anyone will get much out of me. So work tomorrow and the rest of this weekend is going to be an adventure in itself. But I can only pray for a tomorrow and talk every day one day at a time.

xoxo

How do you cope with loss? I can't eat chocolate and walk around all the time.

When Vada lost Thomas J

Prom 2007

All that stress that I droned on about in the last post now seems very irrelevant and pithy compared to the bomb that was dropped on my this afternoon thirty minutes before I had to go to work today. A really close friend of mine that lives about an hour and a half  away from me was killed yesterday morning at 2 am. I recieved the message from my mom who was taking my brother to the grocery store after his football game. When she told me the news I sat in shock and awe for a good 15 minutes, I'm still mortified that something like this happened to one of my closest friends.

I drove to work like a statue almost and was more or less the same at work too, except for the required small talk and smile that is required in my line of work my emotions were on lock down. I think I've lost the ability to cry actually, I always seem to be in a constant state of shock that sadly even death of a dear friend who's parents and and mine thought that one day he and I would have a future together as more can't melt the cold heart I think I have.

I don't know what to do, even as I type this and tell other close friends of he and I's I still don't know what to do. I guess the only good thing that I can gather from the very little details I've heard all night was that he probably didn't suffer.

HappyThankYouMorePlease

do yourself a favor and see this, please?

Music: the great communicator

I believe that if you think positively and act positively then the universe will bring you great things, that isn't too crazy right? I also believe that if you surround yourself with positive people and all together positive energy then things will happen for you. So I'm doing just that. I'm using music and even telling strangers my plans because sometimes strangers will leave a piece of themselves behind and will add to the burning optimism that I have in my heart. Though this month is going to be a  long and emotional month I'm going to keep myself optimistic and cheerful through everything.

I've compiled a playlist of some songs that have been keeping my spirits high and my worries low. Enjoy!

By the way the playlist is bottom left if you  haven't noticed yet. It's about as different and eclectic as me!

"So, how's your love life?"

The other night I was on Facebook just passing time and catching up with some old friends that I haven't talked to in awhile and some newer faces in my life that truthfully I didn't really want to be talking to at the moment. Because let's face it, when you have nothing to say to that person then talking to them is just a waste of yours and their time.

I digress.

One of my best friend's popped up in the chat box and after a bit of talking about and making future plans she told me that she was possibly seeing a new guy, I love her but the girl doesn't pick em too well. Then again I have no room to talk or judge, my latest adventures with boys have not been anything to get to excited about. Then she asked me a question that I somehow knew was coming, yet it still kind of felt like taking a bullet. Not a big one, maybe just a BB. With all the innocence and sweetmess in the world she asked, "so how's your dating life?".....I simply replied "it's a desert, and I push away any chances of rain that come my way right now." Because I'm crazy like that, I wouldn't mind having someone in my life sure, what girl doesn't? But at the same time I've got too much on my plate and in my sights right now to worry about something like the opposite sex. One day he will come, and then I'll be ready.

But in other news as grueling as this whole applying to college thing is and I'm almost in the home stretch there sure seems to be a lot of new stuff popping up, Stupid semantics, always getting in my way. But at least I'm getting closer and closer everyday.

I just want them to say "Yes" and then my heart can stop racing like Seabiscuit.

Sorry but now I'm curious and am going to ask, how's your love life??

xoxo

Daydreaming..

I want to go on a crazy whirl wind adventure, I want to eat fresh fruit and freshly baked flaky pastries with my fingers. I want to take in the aroma of  freshly ground coffee beans and watch the flowers as they come to life, shedding the old and welcoming the new. Colors violet,reds and blues. Warming beams of sunlight kissing my nose and cheeks, leaving a dusting of freckles and a hint of pink to my ghostly skin.

Sitting next to you on this lovely cloudless day makes me wish that I could freeze it in time and never move from this place.