Is this in my future? Could I even handle adding another spinning plate? 

I  really hope so. 

Talking myself down..

I just got out of my first class and we were given our first assignment! It's a fun assignment but it also includes and essay and while it shouldn't really scare me since writing is a passion of mine it's kind of intimidating, not going to lie. It's a simple self survey but I think that the nerves I'm feeling are more about the essay part because I still think that my writing mojo is MIA, I have my moments but in the last four years I haven't been in this situation so I used my blog to keep my writing at least mildly intact and decent. 

I'm not sure why I'm so worried, I will probably do just fine I just don't want a repeat of my first college try..and I will NOT let myself get that way! 

I hate that we  humans tend to be our own worst enemies, hate, hate, HATE it!

xoxo

Sparks-setting sketch-high school portfolio (1)

Like the hollowing out of a pumpkin on Halloween, visiting the lake house at the Lake of the Ozarks is a tradition every summer for my family. The cement moat around the house is covered in a mosaic of multicolored leaves and  the fire pit is gray and dingy with ash.

Over a hill as tall as a full grown tree distant voices and twigs snapping under foot can be heard. Then two blond teenagers come into focus, one is very energetic whole the other is a little standoffish. The boys gently climb under a wire that divides the two lots and begin to work their way towards the house where plastic chairs and a table are being noisily dragged across the cement. A spark of fire has been lit give the dull gray cement an orange pigmentation. Leaves are being thrown into the smoldering fire making the air around it smell more like autumn than summer.

A crowd of people are gathered around the freshly lit orange glowing fire and conversations are in progress. The two teenagers welcome everyone back for the summer and offer to help unload the bundles and packages from the overstuffed back of vehicles. In a chair set farther back from everyone a lonely girl sits alone with a thick novel reading quietly to herself.

One of the boys bringing up and overfilled cooler from one of the vehicles suddenly stops short and notices the ever changing color of the girl's eyes, after after nearly dropping the cooler on his foot he is brought back to reality and the girl continues reading. In  that split second of time, the world and everyone in it just stopped for the two of them and a spark was ignited between them that only they could feel the warmth of.


Thoughts? I wrote in it high school. New stuff is in the works between classes.

xoxo

My first (of many) obligatory back to school posts.

Tomorrow I begin packing more or less every possession I have into my tiny car and Saturday morning I hit the road and begin the hour drive towards school.

The word 'exhaustion' is now exhausted from my vocabulary.

My brother is still not taking it to well and my Mom is just kind of dealing in her own way I suppose, she hasn't really said much to me about the whole thing. It's kind of sad especially since my brothers have football the day I move in and she can't help me move in but I gotta be an adult and do it myself.

I feel like I could puke.

I think that's all I have to say tonight, words are failing me due to stress and too much going on in my head. I hope you all have a great and significantly less stressful weekend than I'm about to, but I say bring it to allof the stress.

This isn't goodbye, not really.

Today begins the start of a very long week of a very long year for my family and I. With the news of my appeal going through and my elation to start moving and getting the hell out of Dodge I think that my youngest brother, whom I'm very close with may be taking this the hardest..well maybe we all are come to think of it. My youngest brother is spoiled rotten and mainly by me, we have little sister brother dates to the frozen yogurt shop and to lunch and to get a small toy now and then. So it's understandably going to be hard on he and I because that was our thing. It's not something 6 year olds can just forget about doing stuff like that takes time for anyone. I know that it's my fault that he's taking this so hard but he does know that his big sister needs to get out of the house and do better things with her life. Plus it's not like I'm going to be hours away, just one and I intend to visit every chance I get.

There will be a waterfall of tears comparable to Niagra Falls this week.

Breaking News

I don't have a lot of time to write this because I actually used my time semi productively at the library today because our wifi is out again. Surprised? Neither am I. But I went to the mailbox the other day and that letter that I have been agonizing and stressing out like crazy over for the past month or so came and while I shook like a leaf in a hurricane upon it's arrival I gathered my courage, opened it and well...they said yes! My appeal went through, though I have to do a few provisionary things but I'm still in and going and will finally get to meet my roommate and have everything else that I've been talking about in past posts happen!

My elation cannot even be put into words let alone one emotional blog post.

Now I have 6 days to do what most people have had done for the past month or so...no pressure because I have an adrenaline rush that will last me til Christmas!

xoxo

I have a secret..kinda...

When I was sick with cancer about a year and a half ago I could barely eat, well not a lot of the food that I was supposed to eat while dealing with chemotherapy and all of the crap that that whole process entails. My nurses handed me a massive pamphlet about dealing with the whole process and while skimming it I saw that I could pretty much anything, anything that I could hold down, so I started to whip up my own semi recipes from magazines, the internet etc.

During the fall/winter and into spring (right before I went into remission) I was in the kitchen for about two month in between chemo sessions, I was baking of all things; cookies! Not to toot my own horn but my cookies are pretty freaking awesome, especially when my brother helps me and we both *secretly* steal licks of the batter and chunks of the chips. I'm a great sister. I made everything from your run of the mill chocolate chip cookies to butterscotch/white chocolate morsel cookies to peanut butter. Sadly I wasn't as deep into the internet and food blogs as I am now but I've been learning so much from so many wonderful people and their beautiful blogs out there. This fall since I may not be going to the school I intended to yet, because you gotta walk before you can run I'm going to start up my baking some more. That even includes baking up a recipe that my friend introduced me to the other day, it includes espresso and since I'm a coffee noob I was wired  and then tired once I had devoured my share, but it was so worth it.....

..and then...

my mom bought a jar of Nutella and my little brother and I have been on the hunt for some delicious recipes to avoid eating the whole jar with giant spoons. It's safe to say that I will be making a bakery's worth of cookies and other goodies in the coming months. I may have to turn my blog into a food blog for a couple of months but I'll be back to my normal random thoughts as soon as I can, that includes the writing portfolio.

Recipes on the board:

Nutella Pop Tarts!
F-f-f- french toast
Brownies anyone?
Fudge!
Cookies!?

I'm a bit of a sweet tooth :B