Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Daddy's Little Girl just a little more grown...

It has been a month now since my dads passing and I would like to inform everyone of the massive changes that have happened to me in that somewhat short amount of time.
For starters, I moved out of my moms house and into my aunts and uncles, it was very abrupt and more or less undecided until I had been staying longer then originally planned. But so far it has been very good and otherwise a good decision, no matter how rash it may have seemed at the time. (even though 85% of my stuff is still at my moms)

I am now employed and even though I just started I like my job a lot.I feel like a million bucks because for once in my life it seems things are finally going the right way for me, and this feeling is something that I think everyone deserves to have in their lives.

Back to the subject of my dad, I was talking to my aunt a few nights ago about the grieving process and how I haven't really done that yet. I know that I need to and I will, but I think that I kind of accepted it while it was happening and so I haven't really done that whole thing but every now and then I have my triggers and I suppose they help. I think that my dad may have had a little part in what has happened in the past month for me and to me and I thank him and the big guy upstairs for it every day. Also this weekend is my dads birthday, he would have been 50 and I'm thinking about going to his grave to go wish him a happy birthday and to talk to him. I think that no matter how old I get and what goes on in my life that I will never stop being "daddy's little girl".

On that note I wish everyone a happy and safe fourth of July!


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

It's been a rough month....

Okay I've been sitting here with this screen opened long enough, it's time for me to get some writing done there are after all a ton of things rolling around in my head that I need to get out and into another form other then keeping them bottled up in my head. So here goes!

Okay well to start off I am sadly not opening this blog on a happy note, in the last week of May my aunt called me in somewhat of a panic about my dad. I had just talked to him the night before and asked him if I could come out to his house to see him because well for one I hadn't been out to see him since Christmas of last year and he was diagnosed with throat and liver cancer in about January. But when I called him the night before he informed me that his doctor had told him that the chemo he had had done all that it could and that they were going to try and give radiation a chance because by that time his cancer had spread to his bones in his lower body. Moving on... my aunt and I got to his house that Friday and as soon as I walked in the door to say hi to him I stopped in my tracks and just hugged my godfather..my dad was skin and bones. I hate this comparison but he reminded me of one of those pictures of a Holocaust victim that you see in high school history books.

My aunt my dads best friend and a bunch of other people including my brother and I helped my dad take his meds and make him feel as comfortable as possible. After almost two weeks of my aunt and myself being there and meeting with his nurse and a grief counselor for my brother and I my dad passed the night my aunt and I left. Six days ago my family and I buried my dad in Kansas City next to my stepmom.

I guess on a lighter note my birthday was last weekend, I am now officually an "adult" I have been waiting for this day for years and while the week before made it a little sullen that's okay.

Everything happens for a reason.

P.S I left a lot out because I couldn't write it or my order got messed up in my head and from there I want to keep it private I suppose.