Monday, November 30, 2009

Pray for what you want,work for what you need.-Fortune cookie

It's another late night and I am yet again blogging. :) Granted this is when I do my best writing but I didn't sleep that well while I was at my dads but that's okay. Plus I'm also talking to someone that makes this time something that I'm not really caring about at the moment.

So this weekend I went to my dads house in Kansas and had alot of fun! We did alot of cooking and baking of fudge and cookies and other goodies. I also got some much needed R&R, it was great!

For Thanksgiving we feasted on smoked (fresh from the smoker) turkey,mashed potatoes,green bean casserole,stuffing and cherry and pumpkin pie. Oh man, now I'm drooling. It was that good, probably because my dad is an amazing cook. I hope I have his talents..

I have one more week of chemo left! I'm so damn ready to be over this, I want to get on with my life and work on getting my independence back. I have a set a priorities I just have to hope that everything keeps working out the way it has been lately. I'll go from there.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Good News!! :)

Well for starters today I got my tumor marker results back and the numbers went down from 209 to 17.9 :) I'm so happy! Because that means that I am in fact getting better! Yay!

Also I got the clear from my doctor to go to my dads house for Thanksgiving! I have to get shots all next weekend and part of next week but that's ok I'm gonna have lots of fun and relaxation at my dads house I can tell already. I'm also kind of talking to this guy that I kind of like, he's sweet and nice and we have a lot in common he is really cool. I'm so happy this week is almost over, I have alot going on and I'm super excited for it all.

Finally things seem to be looking up :)


Friday, November 13, 2009

A day in the life of a cancer patient

On the days of chemo:
  • Wake up and pray that the day goes smoothly
  • Take the first dose of nausea medicine for the day and any other meds. Eat and get ready for the day.
  • Get to the hospital or where ever treatment is, on Mondays usually blood is drawn and tests are run. Get stuck with an IV and get fluids (if needed) and then the bags of chemo start to roll in, usually lasting all day long.
  • Sit,watch tv,sleep,be super bored until your chemo for the day is done.
  • Go home, take another dose of anti-nausea medicine, proceed as normally as possible.
The next day: rinse and repeat.

On the days off from chemo:
  • Wake up, take meds,eat.
  • Go to any necessary appointments with oncologist or doctors, get shots if needed.
Be slightly bored in the same enviroment and almost wish you were at chemo just so you won't be as bored.

Yup, that's kind of how my life is lately, it's not as bad as it seems. It has its days but it's not that bad all together. The good days are prayed for pretty hard and the bad days are only really bad when your in the hospital.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Preparing for the future..

I hate the smell of cigarettes. Right now I have a headache and my moms smoking isn't really helping the matter at the moment.

Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives is such a great show. :) I want to get the book and go on a massive road trip and go to a bunch of the places that the awesome Guy Fieri has visited. Just watching him devour the food now is great and I wish I was there. Clearly, my appetite is working well!

Well I'm bored, I thought I actually had something to say here but I guess not. Hopefully something good will come out in the end though. Lately I have been feeling like something is gonna happen, I don't know if it's going to be good or bad or what but I can feel something coming. As always I will hope for the best and expect the worst.
So far today has been a pretty good day, I feel like I accomplished alot. I even had an "grownup moment" or two. Yesterday I gave my ipod a much overdue makeover. Now it no longer has a ton of mopey old Hawthorne Heights sadness on it. Instead there's a lot of Rihanna,Miley Cyrus (guilty pleasure,sue me.) and just anything else that makes me want to get up and dance. It's actually a lot like my friends collection of songs. :)
I was talking to a neighbor today and I realized again, that after I get better that I will literally be starting my life over again. I get to go back to school, find a better job then what I have had before, get a better car (in time),as well as getting my hair back. I have to say that I'm ready and prepared for the future. Well as ready and prepared as I can be at this point.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Random ramblings part deax

It's so weird telling friends and family and even strangers, that I have cancer. I know that there are a lot of people out there that have it too but their old. Not to be mean or anything but some of them don't have a whole lot of time left. I realize that that sounds super insensitive and I totally don't mean to but geez. You try dealing with my life for a day.

I don't really have much to say tonight, I'm just getting whatever leftovers that are on my mind off of it.

So I have two more rounds of chemo left and now more then ever the future is starting to scare me more and more. I know, I know I gotta have faith and hope and all that and I'm pretty sure that I have gone through all 6 stages of grief but this is just turning into uncertainty and I'm scared shitless!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Random ramblings

Well I'd have to say that this years Halloween was so much better than last years was. I wore myself out and slept all of Sunday but it was worth it! All I have to say is thank you Britney Spears for having a breakdown this year, otherwise I wouldn't have had a good halloween costume this year. :)

I have two more weeks well two more months actually more like of chemo, then lots of checkups and tests to make sure I'm clean. I'm hoping to be in remission by the new year and growing my hair by then too. I'm a little tired so if this isn't making sense sorry ahead of time.

Loneliness is getting the best out of me again..I miss being held and it probably doesn't help that I watch Grey's Anatomy reruns all the time lately but hey I have lots of time on my hands why the heck not?! I have forgot so much about what it's liked to be held and loved and touched by someone but my current condition is going to be keeping those feelings at bay for yet some more months. I'm not in a hurry to get into a relationship or anything and I am not the type of girl to be a friends with benefits. I just want what I used to have with the good guys that I managed to find in my life. I just hope that I can find that again once I get better. I know I shouldn't really be focusing on this stuff and should be focusing wholly on getting better but that's what the weeks I'm in chemo are for.

I have a doctors appointment soon for a whole body scan or something and hopefully it comes back clear. I'm going to tell all my friends to put their prayers in double time. I want to go into remission before the new year. The next 20 years of my life cannot be as bad as the first 20 have been. Sigh.