Thursday, February 25, 2010

Looking out for numero uno.

Well yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up, actually I think that it was already over before it was "official". But that is okay, I've learned a lot from that little for lack of a better word-spliel (sp?). I think that its now time for me to focus a whole lot more on myself,plus I have a whole life ahead of me to date and actually find someone worthy of holding my heart for safe keeping. Even if I did think that he deserved it when he hadn't even shown me his true colors.

Heartbroken is not the word, its more like disappointment. Though I should be used to broken promises from guys. "I'll be with you through it all,I promise." He was never there half the time when I needed him. I think this month I only saw him about a grand total of 6 hours or so. That's not how relationships work even if you are busy! A little contact would be awesome! More then a couple hours on IM's too,hearing each others voices does wonders for a relationship when you can't be together. If you "don't like to talk on the phone." then suck it up and call the one you supposedly love. If you don't want to be with the person your with don't be a dick and not contact or make any attempt to see your loved one. Grow some balls, be a man and tell her that you aren't into her anymore. Simple as that!!

When I was first diagnosed the guy that I was seeing then lived an hour away and he came to see me whenever possible and if he couldn't make it then he would at least call and talk to me for a little bit. Granted eventually we mutually broke it off because he got too busy and my life was more or less hanging in the balance so he bailed because he was scared but I digress. My point is that he actually put in effort to see me and we made each other happy.

Now I'm continuing the search for a job which I may have a lead on one and get back to school and get my independence back slowly but surely. I just have to keep my faith and take things one day at a time, and as the saying goes-There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Ok I think that I have said my peace for now and got everything that I have needed to off my chest. Time to power on and seek better things for myself in this life.


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

To be completely honest with you I kind of forgot how difficult some relationships can be. Maybe it's because I haven't been in a stable relationship in a good 2 years! I'm so out of practice with this type of thing sometimes. Like all relationships there's good days and bad days and sadly it seems like we have had a bit more bad days then I have wanted. I thought that the beginning of a relationship was supposed to be the "lovey dovey" time. Our first two months have been SUPER hard!!
But as the saying goes "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." well I'm going off of that and hoping that all the hardships that he and I have been through will in fact make us stronger, I don't want to lose him. I do know that it doesn't help that I have some things that are currently against me but I am going to get things figured out and get my life back on track. Maybe then hopefully things will go smoother for us. But hopefully sooner then later...I have hope though that we will get through this tough time. I just think that as of now we just need some one on one time without any other distractions.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

In other news...

Alrighty then it's time to update I think, at least until Sex and the City comes on. I have some good news to share with you all. I didn't share it the day I got it because I was too overcome with excitement I could barely walk,yes it was that good!!

On Febuary 5,2010 I had a doctors appointment with my oncologist and he told me that I was in remission!! My chemotherapy worked for the most part! I was so happy I almost cried,granted they would have been tears of joy which would be good since I could use a good cry now and then. Now I can work more on getting a job and getting back to school sooner or later. I've been applying like crazy too I'm just praying for the calls and interviews to coming into play. I want to work so bad! I miss making money and having my own bills paid by my own money. I know that soon enough these things will fall into place, and I can't wait for that day.

My dads health is doing fairly well, he is having some trouble getting used to chemo side effects. If I was there I would be helping him out and making recipes out of the "Living with Cancer" cookbook that a near and dear friend let me borrow when I was diagnosed. Granted I never used it sadly, but I did mark a lot of recipes I wanted to try.But thankfully my aunts and uncles and others are there helping him and my little brother out. I'm very thankfull for them too. I would be there if I could believe me, and I plan on going there for a week or so the first chance I get.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Well this day has been fun!

I'm bored, so I guess that I will write at least whatever I can. No promises tonight folks.

So I'm sitting in my room finishing off a bag of conversation hearts and listening to music and distracting myself also with the Mrs. Congeniality waiting for my boyfriend to show up. It's been WAY too long since we have seen each other. sadface. I'm starting to hate the musy words on these damn hearts mainly because I don't have anyone to share them with.I will do everything in my power to make this Valentine's Day at least a little great! Granted my power is very minimal at this time that's all fine and dandy because I'm pretty resourceful as it is so we shall see what happens on that day.

Wanna hear what I did today? Of course you do!

Well first off my mom and I dropped off my brothers and some neighbor's kids off at school. My mom and I went to the bowling alley with our neighbors and had so much fun even though we got our butts handed to us. It was still fun. My thumb and fingers still kind of hurt, it was still worth it though. Shortly there after we had lunch and I had some delicious french toast! :) The rest of the day was pretty fun too boringish but fun to be out of the house for more than an hour at a time. Now it is almost 9pm and yet still no Alex :(( I know that he is busy with homework and stuff and I hope that if he can't make it tonight that he can maybe make it tomorrow on his day off, and possibly for most of the day? That would be great! I really do miss him that much too! Man I forgot how difficult relationships can sometimes be when one person doesn't have a car that is insured or reliable. I know that I certainly hate it! I could be doing so much more if my car was insured and reliable. In due time I know.

I love that my boyfriend will steal wifi from a restaurant close to my house just to live up to his word at 11:35 at night just to hear good news from me and get a goodnight kiss to end his terrible day! Only to know that we will see each other tomorrow afternoon! I'm tickled pink right now. :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The loves of my life....

In honor of it being Valentine's Day soon and everyone is starting to get all gushy and mushy with their loved ones I decided that I should follow Hayley G. Hoovers lead and tell you all what hold the nearest and dearest to my heart.

-The discovery of finding a new song that not a lot of people around you may know, and loading it on my ipod to dance around my room like a crazy person.

-Getting back more and more everyday into a routine and schedule even if I stay up later then meant to I still get up when my alarm rings.

-The way my cat jumps into my arms and makes himself a little ball by my chest whenever I'm asleep.

-Getting lost in a good book when it's nasty outside and feeling like no one can touch me where ever I am.

-Having a best friend that I know is legitamitely there for me as I am for her without any if, and's or but's about it. I couldn't ask for anyone better for a best friend either.

-The way he looks at me and all the bad in the world and in my life seems to fade away, even if for a moment.

-I love that at 11:30 at night my boyfriend is stealing wifi from a restaurant so that he can talk to me and drop by for 10 minutes to hear good news and share a good night kiss to end his crappy day,only to know that I will be seeing him again tomorrow afternoon. :)

-I love that my hair is growing back more and more every day, and slowly turning back into my old self and feeling more and more comfortable in my skin again.

-That I applied for a school and have more or less got in, just need to figure out financial stuff then I may be going back A.S.A.P!

-That I'm writing again either on here or in a private journal as well as reading more and more.

-I love that even though I haven't asked my mom bought me a box of my favorite cereal and that I really do appreciate her for everything that she does for me and my brothers.

-That I can feel my dad's strength whenever I talk to him on the phone and hoping that my good news will inspire him not to be scared in his battle.

-That with all the support and prayers things in my life are starting to look up, and hopefully things will be getting progressively better for my dad and brother.

-my friends,family,and other supporters especially Alex who has been behind me before he even knew me in this battle.

I wish you all a Happy un-cliched Valentine's Day.