Friday, October 30, 2009

Productivity is a good thing.

Well I'd have to say that today, well this week has been very productive.

  • Chemo damn near flew by! 2 weeks down 2 to go!!
  • I got a nice new collection of crocheted hats and a wig sort of on loan from chemo.
  • I finished New Moon, again.
  • I found out the name of the drug that causes my hair loss and it should be back by the spring! :)

My appetite has been pretty well, theres occasional nausea spells usually when I take half a potassium pill but I'm working on that...I hate pills, if I could do everything through an IV I would but then my poor arms would be bruised and nasty. Right now I'm craving some delicious orange chicken,white rice and an eggroll from Panda Express. YUMMMMMMMMM! I should really stop talking about it because I don't know when and if I'll get it.

I'm thinking that this time after my latest round of chemo will go smoother then last, especially now that we know side effects to look for and what not. I'm pretty excited about that. :)

Oh and apparently I'm in inspiration. I have been through alot in my life yes but it's the cards I've been dealt in life and I think that good things will come out of all the crap that I have been through in the past 20 yrs. Despite everything that I have been through I have always found a way to get past it, even if that meant depression for months or getting sick or whatever. Either way I think I've always been positive about things deep down but now I'm actually starting to show more of it.

I know what I'm gonna be for Halloween! GI Jane! Just thought I'd get that random tangent out before I forgot to tell but then again it should have been a dead giveaway I don't have alot to work with at this time but I'm working on it!

Enough for now.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

When I grow up....

I think that I know what I want to be/do when I get better! My aunt gave me some helpful tips the other night at dinner and my other aunt has just helped me see my all I need to do is get better! I'm almost done with my second week of chemo, then two weeks off then another round...then I should be almost done.
But back on the subject..when I grow up/get better I want to major in media production. :) I had so much fun behind the camera and in front of the camera and behind the scenes for Phelps Avenue that it might have created a monster in me, hehe. I'm so excited for things that are in my future. I can see myself going so far in it too, it's just a matter of time before I can get back on my feet though and I am praying that that day comes faster and faster everyday.

I'm so excited to have actually found some direction in my life, now I actually feel like after this is all said and done with that I will have a purpose in my life. In a way this having cancer is sort of a blessing...meaning all this free time has allowed me to get my foot in doors that I may not have had the chance to before. At least I hope that's true. As well as the feet in doors having cancer has allowed me to sit back and think about what I want to do in my life and to get my priorities (so to speak) in order. I have realized that after I get better that I have so much plans ahead of me, as vague as some of them are their still there waiting for me dive in deep and attack them with all the gusto I can muster. I'm SO excited to be better..well when I get there completely, but still..the excitement is all the same. :D
If only I could have discovered this passion a long time ago and actually done something worth while in my high school career. But the past is the past and I'm working on not dwelling on that. Especially when there's so much great things to look forward to in the near future.

All for now.


Monday, October 26, 2009

Christmas List

I have no idea what to say. Maybe if I sit here with the page open long enough the words will just fall out.

I did it! I edited my ipod to a better selection of music :). So I guess boredom does get you somewhere. I say this as I rock out to Miley Cyrus. I need a new mp3 player with lots of room and a few itunes gift cards!

Christmas List: I know it's early but whatever, better to be late then never.

-Ipod touch

-new digital camera-Canon or NIkon

-Glee 1st season DVD

-Her Fearful Symmetry-Audrey Niffennegger

-Borders/Barnes and Noble gift cards

-Dead Like Me seasons 1 and 2 on dvd (saw em' at Target tonight) xD

-The Ugly Truth

-My Sister's Keeper

-Hannah Montana: The Movie

Weeds Season 4 (or a Target or Wal-mart giftcard so I can get these on my own. :))

That is all for now.


Sunday, October 25, 2009

Music makes me think some crazy thoughts...

Ok so I know that I'm going to sound like I'm off my rocker when I say this but I think that a man that I have never met, have no clue when and if in this lifetime if I will ever meet him but I think he has more than half of my heart in his hands. I blame John Mayer and Kate Nash for this sudden burst of lunacy but this issue woke me out of half sleep. I needed to get these words out of my head, otherwise I might have gone crazy with the thought of them and how nutty they sounded.
So about the guy: We have known each other for about two years, our relationship has been 99.9% textual. We have "seen" each other a few times on webcameras but never actually met in real life. I hope to one of these days though. We have this bond that I have yet to have with anyone else in this world. We talk almost every day, or we used to then I lost the use of my phone and now I can't talk to him everyday. Sadface. I know that there are little things that he shares with me that make me feel special because I'd like to think that I'm the only one he shares them with though I know I'm not and I have accepted that. But the situation is reveresed for me. I have told him things that I have only told him and maybe one or two other people besides him. I don't know, maybe it's my fascination (I'm weird I know this ) with deaf people and people that are different in general but yet still the same. I don't know but this madness needs to end. I either need to meet him sometime in the near future and see if these feelings are still there or what. Orrrrr I just need to move on. Again.

This madness was brought to you by my ipod and the fact that whenever I listen to it when I'm lonely it plays lovey dovey songs that turn me all emo and shit...ugh...I need some new music selections I think..... =/

The best lasanga in the world andsome boring old football.

Family sitting around watching a football game where the team they are all hopeful for will undoubtedly lose by at least 10 points. A hard working older woman working her tail off in the kitchen making pounds of delicious smelling food and louder then even necessary kids running around the house messing the cleanliness that they walked into. This is my life this week and mainly today. My stomach is groaning at the smells coming from the kitchen. I'm SO ready for this lasagna! My facebook and twitter's status bars are letting the world know that I will be a "Fatty McFat Fat after the lasanga is all said and done with. :)" More family is coming and my laptops battery is dying. Sad face. More later. After the lasanga goodness and the family has cleared out.

Well I ate 3 huge pieces of lasanga that was brilliant! Took a nap, went to the movies with a friend and saw Couples Retreat, which is a great movie, I recommend it! We also watched a movie on my friends ipod in her car until our movie started. hehehehe it was so fun!

Now on a more serious note tonight my friend and I were listening to music in her car and a few songs about LOVE came on and I got to thinking about it and how much I kind of do miss being held and loved and hugged and kissed and all that other lovey dovey things that people that have a significant other do. I know that right now with my current situation that keeping someone around is near impossible but hey it's worth a try at this point. I know that I'm reaching for the stars right now but it's better than reaching for the sun and getting burned.
My second week/round of chemo starts next week. I hope things aren't as bad as they were the last round. I don't want to be sicker then I already am. Thankfully, this time I have a book that I am re-reading that will keep me entertained during chemo. That and my ipod. :)

Well folks I think that is all for tonight, time to choke down a potassium pill and wait a while then go to bed.
Night and best wishes to all!


Saturday, October 10, 2009

Lack of energy,Bald is beautiful

Ok let's just say it! I've seen better days, my first week of chemo is done and I'm really feeling the effects. Nausea, fatigue, lack of any kind of energy. This sucks too because I have three more week long treatments of this stuff. Sigh. I know I can do it, but today is just one of those days where I wish it would all just end now. Time, that is all that I can really rely on at this point. Well time and faith.

October 23,2009
Its been awhile since I have wrote, turns out I had pneumonia and had to be hospitalized and put into isolation for 3 days. It sucked. Now I'm out and my hair has been starting to fall out like snow so I just told my mom to just cut it-shave it all off. Figured things would be easier that way and so far I was right. I apparently have a perfect head and so I look slightly normal with no hair, which is weird but I'm ok with it. It grows back so that gives me something to look forward to.

Bald is beautiful!