Monday, September 14, 2009

If I don't let this out now,it may never come out....I'm sorry

The scar seems to be healing nicely, itching and such. But as per usual in my life nothing ever stays good for too long. It has only been a week or two and my boyfriend and I are already hitting a rocky road. I hate this part in a relationship, especially if it is a fresh one. The cuts are always deep and the salt is poured in thicker with each passing day. I have been in this situation before...or something close to it but this time it is not anything easy to navigate. I think that it might just have to come down to two options: split or try and make it work even though we both know in the back of our mind that it wont. Not for too long anyways. I know that he has been there for me through all of this so far and I'm very happy to have had him there to help me through it all.

I understand that he is busy with school,work, friends and family . I'm busy with my own things but lately it doesn't seem as though he wants to see me anymore, as if it's too much of a hassle to drive here and see me. If that is the case I just want some honesty and truth..I'm not afraid of getting hurt anymore. I've had too much go on in my life for me to be hurt anymore. Maybe I'm frigid and bitter because of it,if so then so be it. If my car was reliable enough and I could navigate myself up there and back to see him then I would but I don't have those luxuries at the moment. As much as I love his family and he likes mine I think that an end is coming soon. I really don't want to because I really do like him and he has been there for me for so much but the other night we both concluded that the distance betweeen us (literal) is distancing us.

Eelationships with a great spark are NOT supposed to fizzle out before the one month mark! I wonder if I am ever going to find a guy that is going to make it to the one year mark and beyond...I'm young I know but at this point in life my I don't know what to do except for take life and drink it up! Living life to the fullest is what I feel I need to do at this point.

I'm almost hesitant to post this but this is MY blog to post whatever I want and these words might not come back to my mind so I guess it was better to get this off of my chest now then never.

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