Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Knights in shining armor get lost easy.

A week now has passed and the loneliness is more than palpable. It has become an ever gaping hole that has been ripped through my chest. I want to lay in bed all day and eat boxes of Russell Stovers and read the stories of other people that I wish at times were mine. The music that I listen to at times probably doesn't help me much either. Then again, it probably does not help at all that at least 50 percent of my playlist in my music player/s is more of less a "hopeless romantics". Most of the songs are about love, loss and the loss of a great love or one that had potentiol. If it's not those then it is about fighting or is poppy bubblegum dance music for the good moods and random songs acquired through the years.

I want to be loved and find someone that is actual worthy (there have been a few that have come close) of my love and that I can give my whole heart to without after thoughts. I know that he is out there somewhere and that I should just sit back, relax and wait for them but not to be negative or morbid but in my current situation I don't know how much time is left. Not only am I plagued with those thoughts but since I have decided that the next romantic interest that I meet that I'm going to tell them that I'm sick right up front. Because I'm getting pretty good at this whole being direct with complete strangers...I am also worried that as soon as I tell them that I'm sick what are they going to do? Bolt? Stay and accept me or what? In the end who wants to be alone? Even if it's not going to be the end for me I still want someone that will be next to me holding my hand,holding me and letting me know that everything will be okay. My friends and family might just have to do "til that person comes along..

His stupid horse probably just stopped for some food or his damn GPS is broke...either way my patience is wearing thin and hopefully I don't have blinders on when he comes along.

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