An end to the crappy year, hopefully 2010 is a great one!

Tomorrow is new years! This crappy year is finally going to come to an end and hopefully the year 2010 will hopefully bring good things for us all. I am already starting to have some good things happen and I am so excited for the future, for the most part. The rest of it just scares the hell out of me, as it should. But "the past is only the future with the lights on."-Plus 44



Lucky for me I get to bring in the new year with Alex and a much anticipated first kiss is happening as midnight. We are both tickled pink about it :) I have to say this feeling of falling is kind of nice. I haven't felt it in so long that it almost scares me to death but I suppose that's all normal. I'm slowly learning that just going with the flow is better than trying to "control" things especially since you can't cont 95% of the things that go on in your life.



....that's all for now, more tomorrow or so.. :D HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

Ok so I fibbed and didn't update on new years like I had planned, ovbiously because here it is January 11 and I'm just now updating..sorry.

So far the new year is going okay, it has had its moments where life was grand then it also had its totally crappy moments but every day is a new day! I have faith that things will get better and the pieces will fall into place, it just will take time, patience and some effort.This year WILL be a good year!

the New Year and a healthy dose of inspiration.

I have been procrastinating writing for so long, I just haven't found the words. Until now. I have finally found the dose of inspiration that I have been waiting for for weeks now. I finally got a chance to see the movie 'Julie & Julia' and I'm stuck on italics for the moment because I have no idea what I did other then use the shortcut and now it seems to be stuck :(. But I digress, the movie was amazing! Being both somewhat of a writer and a closet foodie I decided that tonight I may as well write about something. Because you my readers deserve at least that much, whoever you are.

I guess it would be nice if I updated everyone on my chemo treatments and all that is going on with my cancer. Well last week I finished officually with chemo (I hope!) and later this week I go for a blood test and will go see my doctor after the new year.

Speaking of the new year I will be entering it with a new lease on life and an amazing person by my side. My excitement for the future is still intact and my hope that 2010 will be one of the best years of my life is very much there. I have finally been able to let most of the past go this year, there are those things that I have been through that I can't erase from my mind or body that will forever haunt me but I will try to ignore that. On a side note, I found the Italics key. So to all of those reading, I'm sorry but I'm not changing everything I have written ^^ to normal where it's supposed to be, it is 3:25am here and as much as I want to appear as professional as I can on this I really don't feel like it at this moment in time. Sorry.

Back to Julie & Julia, Iloved it! I felt inspired to write and finally get all the things that have been on my mind out of my head and onto a place where I know no one will care what is really said. It also inspired me to want to cook, and learn to cook more then the simple things that I already do know. I want to make masterpieces that are so deliciously beautiful that it would simply kill you to put a fork to,but at the same time would also kill you not to eat it!

There isn't too much else that I think I want or need to say tonight, other than I'm happy to be back and hopefully I'll be writing more in the coming days!

P.S My hair is starting to grow back and I think that I'm falling in love with someone very special and that I am ecstatic came into my life when he did. He's so amazing. :D

P.P.S "You can never have enough butter."-Julia Child

XOXO

Anxious and Excited :) and its snowing! :D

Oh my god! Things are getting soo much closer to happening and I can't wait! I can almost taste all the great things that are on the horizon! Tomorrow is my date with Alex and holy crap am I excited! Maybe a little too much? Oh well..I almost think that I should just sleep all day today because I know that I won't get much sleep tonight at all. I get like this when good things are happening, except I think that I get a little more anxious and excited then some people do. Which is fine because I'm the one that suffers the consequences in the end and right now I think the only suffering that I will be enduring is my last week of chemo...waiting for it to end,hoping that the IV stays good and that I can use my arm while it's in.

I'm trying to decide whether or not to publish this now or to gush after the date...I'll publish tomorrow :)

Warning: Reading beyond this point things may not make much sense..the blinders are on as I write and I'm brimming with joy and excitement :)

Sunday- Oh man where to start? Tonight was date night with Alex and to be quite honest at first I thought that I might be getting stood up then my gut spoke up and said otherwise,knowing what it knows I listened. Like any other first date it started off a little awkward and I blabbered on about a bunch of pointless stories just to try and make some conversation and to lighten the mood. We got to the Plaza and headed to my "heaven" and had some fun getting lost in the store and figuring out the sections and just enjoying ourselves. (note to self: Urban Outfitters is an amazing store! Shop there when you can! :)). Next we headed to Westport Coffeehouse and had some AMAZING chai tea and got to know each other more,it was great! :) He's so cool and refreshingly different than anyone else that I have liked and that in itself is reason enough to make me smile,well that and he gives great hugs!

All in all I would have to say that tonight was a great start to the next week that I'm going to have to endure...which I will do with flying colors! Though I kind of am mad at myself for not just grabbing his hand at the Plaza or something..damn and the Beatles comes on just as I start to write this too..crazy! *The Beatles- I Wanna Hold Your Hand*

I have butterflies! :D

Oh! Before I forget (not likely) the first actual snow of the year was the end to our date. Oh my goodness whoever doesn't see the romance of that must not have a pulse, or just a black heart and has never experienced anything great in their lives..poor them..

Alrighty I think that that is enough for now...chemo this week! YAY I'm almost done, I can taste it!

I love Food!

I love food,and Food Network especially since I have been sick I have been thinking up ideas as well getting other ideas from the chefs on Food Network. I don't know if you would call me a "foodie"necessarily but when I make things I like to pay attention to not only the taste and hoping that it tastes good but the creative side in me likes to have a good presentation . I love how they do it on TV so of course I would want mine to look as inviting as theirs is. And I know I know "But your just gonna eat it why put all the effort into it to make it look pretty?" My answer-"Because I can!" I am woman hear me roar! I'm not a twig and I'm not a bigger girl and I have no problem with people that are but I can eat! I enjoy a good steak every now and then and a good salad as well but I also think that walking around a grocery store is fun. I'm a loser/weirdo whatever I don't care.

I hope that I get my dad's cooking talent, because every time I'm at his house and he's cooking (which happens alot) I am right there by his side watching him add the ingredients and making something delicious. My little brother has become quite the little chef as well and I'm a little jealous he gets to see my dad all the time and watch him cook and help him cook and all that jazz,but I love my life here and I'm happy with all of the experiences that I've had, lots of learning experiences.

Tell me something I don't know... :)

I'm bored, and having cabin fever sucks! The only time I've gotten out of the house this week was for a shot,a doctors appointment and that's all. I have to go to the pharmacy to get a refill of nausea meds so that I will survive my last week of chemo (!).

I'm having some mixed feelings about my last week of chemo though. Especially since I found out that I have to have a PICC Line in (an everlasting IV more or less) and I have to have it in for a week or two... :( then after chemo is done with I get to get a week of shots again and then a final dose of one last drug. Then after that I believe that I will be finally done!! That means I can do things again, like uhm kissing, and being all mushy and stuff if I get those chances :D.

I'm so over being bald already I miss my hair and the way that I look with it. My outfits look odd and yeah I'm just over it, being bald for almost three months is enough for me...the good thing is that the guy I am talking to doesn't really care that I'm bald and my hair IS growing back so that's good. Maybe the weekend after I get done with chemo we will go out and celebrate, that would be cool :)

I hope that this week and weekend go by slightly slow..I know that in my last blog I said I wanted the pace to pick up a little but now I'd like it to just slide by like molasses in January. Then the week of chemo and the week after that to go really fast, especially since I really really want to meet the guy that has been keeping a smile on my face for the past 3 days. :D

That's all for now..

XOXO

Lets pick up the pace a little please...

I need some human interaction. By that I mean with people that aren't related to me, or that are related to me that I haven't seen in quite some time that would be nice. But at the moment I think that I have been around my family for way to long.

I miss the days of summer when I was hardly home and was almost always doing something with Tara or someone. Right now its just hospital, doctors office,home. It gets a little mundane after about the second time around. I know that this is all almost over soon and my life will be getting back on track soon but is it too much to ask for just a little quicker pace?? I don't think so. Sigh.

So many good things are in my future and I am very excited for them to happen but I want them now, I want that potential spark, a job that's not complete crap,and my car to actually be reliable and a decent phone so that I can keep in contact with my friends and family, but right now those things aren't happening quite as fast as I'd like...:/

Hell I think I just need to get out of the house,maybe spend a weekend with Tara or something..I'll figure something out. I hope.

Okay time to get onto a better subject...books. I was looking through my little library earlier for something to stick my nose in for a few days and I think I need a handful of books, good ones that I can sink my teeth into and will distract me for awhile. I could use a good distraction :) Too bad my stepdad pretty much hates me and won't give me another good sized giftcard to Barnes and Noble..that'd be nifty.

Okay I think that that's enough of a rant for one day...I'm SO happy I can rant and rave on here!

XOXO