I'm gonna eat my weight in Phish Food

Tonight has been shitty. So shitty in fact that I came straight from the store on the way home to blog about how bad of a day I've had.

My brain is sooo fried right now that I don't even know where to start. Ugh. Sad face. Maybe I'll just do what all the smart kids are doing and start at the beginning.

The beginning: Today started like any other unemployed persons would, I woke up a little later than aimed, watched waves of grey mucky clouds roll in and drop a whole minutes worth of sprinkles on us. This will get better I promise, just hang in there. I have to relive some of the mundane before I get to the bad parts. For a couple of hours my best friend and I hung out and talked about places that I should apply to. I went to a few of them and sadly the three places that I managed to hit today only one was actually hiring. :/

The middle: I went to one of the places on my ever growing list of prospects and applied there (yay productivity!). Earlier in the day my mom called me and asked me to take one of my brothers to football practice and hang out with my other brother at home. Well apparently their night wasn't as good as I had hoped, I got lost driving to my brothers practice field and I probably made him late and I'm sorry for that but in my defense I don't drive the area by his practice field that much.

The end: I got to my moms house and made dinner for my brother and I, Tuna Helper-cheesy noodles with tuna. Let me just say that is not my best work but we ate it. I suppose we were both really hungry because it wasn't that great. I got that made and my brother ate two helpings and we hung out on the couch and watched a movie on the Disney channel so that he could wind down and get ready for bed. He finally got his teeth brushed and pajamas thrown on and he wanted to stay up until our mom got home. Butttt that didn't happen because that would throw off his whole schedule and would make him grumpy for school tomorrow, and we can't have that. He finally got laid down and while in the midst of that he also threw a fit because he had to follow rules. My capacity levels were starting to get overloaded by this point. By the time my mom finally made it home I was ready to go home myself...I headed home and inevitably because my night was already going so bad already it had to get just a little worse. I got on the highway and proceeded to go way past my exit onto an exit that takes me to my moms work.
I somehow managed to make it to my exit or a exit that would take me to where I needed to be going and what do you know it got me home. But first I had to make a pitstop at the grocery store and get some Ben and Jerry's so that I could eat my feelings for the night.

Okay I'm done for tonight, thank you for reading this far if you have.

xoxo

Lifes Little Ironies

Well it's been a while since I've been here, to actually write. The other times I've been on BS were to read the great HayleyGHoover's blog and Kristina Horner's.

On that note I suppose it's time to update everyone on 1.my dating sabotical,2. my life in general and 3. a little explaination of today's title. This may get a little Alanis Morrisette-ish. You've been warned.

For starters I was "let go" from my new "fabulous" job Friday morning, which sucked because the money was nice and the people were great too and I have no harsh feelings to anyone that works there because I gave it my all and it just was not the right fit for me, so it's okay. So to "celebrate" I went to a tattoo shop and dared myself to make an idea that's been in my head for 10+ years come to fruition and I did it! The irony of this situation is that I was fired and the "Learn to Fly" in the tattoo pertains to both the dearly departed on the scroll and myself.

**Also another irony is that one of the names on my tattoo is my dads and my best friends moms name is Tommie and my dads name is Tom and I feel the same amount of love from Tommie as my dad gave me.


Second, a majority of my weekends have been spent solo since my best friend has started hanging out with a guy friend of hers. I do have other friends but they too are out living their own lives and/or are several states away and lets face it my car will NOT make it that far. But the few that lives states away are always on call for me to whine and complain to when and if I need it,which is a lot lately. I love them so much for it too. But while my friends are out and about having fun I tend to stick to the house on the internet doing absolutely nothing constructive or going to movies alone watching other people. I'm not complaining...entirely but yes to be invited to something with anyone but myself would be fun! That brings me to my update of my dating sabotical.

Well for starters as soon as I started it I was asked to hang out with a guy and for some reason I said yes, even though it was kind of breaking the rules right from the get go. BUT I did tell him that I'm not for anything right now and that I just wanted to be friends....I thought he understood that just fine until he tried to kiss me while dropping me off at my car...and the second time we hung out guess what?!? He tried it again!
So last night I went to see The Switch,which was a really cute movie by myself....I didn't feel so bad when I saw that I wasn't the only person there solo. I was just the only one under 30. After getting home from the movie and unloading groceries I got online to talk to my best friend that lives in California and we covered our usual conversation topics:loneliness,being unemployed and how much it sucks,depression and our coping mechanisms, what's new in your neck of the woods? and what not. Sometime during that exhilarating conversation I just started to break down and fall apart like the cool smoothness of a mirror that has been shot at one to many times. I honestly could have really used a hug and some human connection at that time that wasn't spanned across the United States. Because I was the only one home besides the dogs and while they are great for listening and showing affection they would not suffice for what I have been craving for quite some time now. But like the "courageous" person that I am I picked myself up and brushed off the dirt and went on with my night.

So yes that folks is my update for the time being...I shall return soon for another update and it will be more cheerful then this one.

xoxo

A hopeless romantics romantic-less challenge.

Well hello there dear readers and passerbys, I've got quite the story for you all tonight but first a short disclaimer.

*These views and opinions are purely mine and if you take any offense to what I may write, I'm sorry ahead of time and this is something that I am choosing to do for me and may not be for everybody.** Enjoy!

Last weekend I was hanging out with my best friend, we did our usual weekend ritual-see a movie, eat out or just go walk around somewhere aimlessly and see who if anyone of us spends the most money and who holds back. Except that later in that weekend we both had dates, she on Friday night and myself on Saturday night-granted hers was planned a week or so ahead of time, whereas mine was very spontaneous.

Anywho Sunday evening after we went to see Ramona and Beezus we came back to her house so that she could get ready for her churches concert with the kids she teaches, while waiting for her to get ready to go I browsed her moms bookshelf not really expecting to find anything but something jumped out at me called, I Kissed Dating Goodbye and while this is not usually a book that I would be drawn to so heavily something about it and the "date" I had the preceding night made me want to borrow it.

I started reading it that night and started to give my own love life a good long look. I have never really been one to go out and date guys "recklessly" I have only had a total of two serious boyfriends in my life and that's fine with me. I haven't ever really needed any man in my life to support me other then my dad and my godfather and other men like that. The date the night before was my first in 7 or so months and I am considering the date more of just a trial run to see if I was ready to get back into the dating world. It appears I wasn't and as I said before, that's fine with me. I couldn't put the book down this whole week and when I had to I was itching to read more of it because it kept giving me the support,advice and direction that i had been void of in the past few months. Granted, I was already on the right path that this book was opening for me more or less already but I gathered that it is okay to be single (even though I have been for 3 years now) and it is possible to have a relationship with a guy without it turning into a dramatic made for the movies kind of situation. I finished the book tonight and sent my best friend a text telling her my new plan and to give her mom a big hug from me. I also decided to go ahead and challenge myself with the not quite newly found lifestyle and see if I can find myself along the way too.

The rules of The Plan-(inspired by I Kissed Dating Goodbye)

• I will not go on any more dates, until I am emotionally, mentally, and financially ready for a serious relationship.
• When I do choose to start dating again, I don't know if it will be to lead to marriage or not, since I'm not sure if I want to get married yet.
• I will not let another guy distract me from the already full plate of things I have in front of me already to get over.
• I will strengthen myself as a person and my relationships with others around me.

I will be able to have relationships with guys but nothing further then friends.
Those are just the rules for so far, I plan to begin my dating sabotical on August 1st and as of now it is indefinite on when it will end but I do know that I will be given someone that is very special and is meant for me one day. Updates will be coming monthly on my progress on all things big and small, (finances, faith,relationships,and anything else that may come to mind.)

This is going to be a little like Eat,Pray, Love but without the travel and gurus, but I'm welcoming this challenge with an open heart and mind so that I can see what exactly is in my heart that I should be seeing and listening to.

XOXO

Dirt on my almost cleaned heart and mind.

Right now seems as good a time as any to write. Especially since all that I have on my mind is doing more harm to my body then my cancer ever did. We are all faced with life changing decisions on a daily basis and right now dear friends are readers I need some advice on this current decision I have to make...if you want to comment it is appreciated, if not the fact that you even read this is appreciated as well.

Ok I think I have the words for this. I have just moved back into my old neighborhood and I am staying with a family friend and I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to stay here or go with my mom and my brothers into a small two bedroom apartment. Being the slightly organized person that I like to think I am I made a list of pros and cons for each place and my family's side had more cons then pros, sadly. Just when things were starting to maybe kind of look up for me my dear old friends Depression and Confusion had to track their muddy footed selfs into my slightly mess free mind and heart.

Right now I am trying desperately to figure out what I should do and how to tell my mom and brothers if I decide to stay with my neighbor. I don't think that it would break their hearts if I decided not to move in with them, because this weekend was my time to "sleep on it" and that is essentially what I did. But thankfully work is a great place for me to be stuck inside of my head EVEN more so than I am already on an everyday basis so I can figure out how the conversations with both my mom and my current "roommate" are going to go, and hopefully they go over smoothly. I'd like that be the glowing red EXIT sign for my two unwelcome friends to go to and leave my already damaged self alone.

Ok I think that this is all that I can write for now.

XOXO and thank you for any advice anyone may leave.

Hey its Cate, and Nicole offered me a guest spot!! YAY

Hello, My name is Cate and im a 20 year old single mother, and today I'm going to write about something that has been weighing on my heart for a very long time. Please bear with me as I can not spell and I ramble all the time! Okay So here I go!!!


Teenage mothers, This topic seems to get everyone riled up for some reason or another, and it gets me fired up. I became pregnant at 18 years old and had a beautiful baby boy named Brycin Lain Rivera on June 22nd 2009, at the age of 19. Most people my age tend to party and not grow up even if there is a child involved, and that breaks my heart. If you are not ready or even open to the possibility of having children, then DON'T HAVE SEX. And if for some reason you do wind up with child, then do the responsible thing, and give the child up for adoption if you chose not to be a responsible mother. It is in my firm belief that people my age are having babies just to have them and then neglect them. I used to have a friend on facebook that made me cry every time I saw her status about how she would party the night away. I wonderd where her beautiful baby boy would be while she was out getting wasted. This is not okay, when you chose to bring a baby into this world you chose to grow up, not contuine what you would normally do as a teenager. I could go on and on about how messed up that is but I also have something else to discuss on this topic, Finish school ladies, dont be another number in a long row of failures, make something of yourself, dont become a person dependent on government aid. Now Im not trash talking the women who need the help, but take the school aid offerd by the government, and make something of your self. It makes me sick to see 16 year old girls with babies and NO highschool education. Now I graduated Highschool and have one year of college compleate and I wouldnt be able to do any of this with out my support system. It is almost impossible to get ahead if you dont have some kind of help. I understand this. But dont settle, go out and do SOMETHING anything be a mother that your children can be proud of.

And since I've talked about how young mothers should conduct themselves let me tell you about the teenaged fathers
BOYS- If you make a baby, you take care of that child. You do not reooeat history, if your father bailed on you why would you inflict that pain on another child, and why would you disrespect your mother, you would clearly understand the struggles that she went through being a single mother why put another woman through that? It drives me crazy. And If your father was an amazing father and played ball with you when he could and provided a stable envoirment then then why wouldnt you do the same for your child. Any jerk can make a baby but it takes a man to be a father.


So teenagers, and even adults, if youre going to make a baby CARE for that child. It makes me sick to see all of you neglecting your children and one day youre going to regret it when they want nothing to do with you.


**Im not a writer and I cant spell I am very sorry for all the spelling errors and rambles lol**



Thanks for Reading Ladies and Gents. Much love to you all.


Be safe and healthy and I wish nothing but the best for you all!!


<3 Cate.

A Letter From God

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone;

to have a deep,

full relationship with another;

to be loved

thoroughly and exclusively.

But I say no. Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by me alone.

With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me is to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone.

I have you my child. Until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that i have planned fo

r you.

You will not be united with another until you are united with me; exclusively of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning and stop wishing. Allow me to bring that person to you. Just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep listening and learning the things i tell you. Just wait, thats all. Don't be anxious, don't worry, and don't look around at the things you think you wan

t. You just keep looking up to me or else you will miss who i have for you.

When you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love more wonderful than you would ever have dreamed of. You see, until you are ready and until the one i have for you is ready and until you are both satisfied, exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me. This is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have wonderful love. I want you to see int eh flesh a picture of your relationship with me, and enjoy union of beautiful perfection and love that i offer you with myself.

Please, know that I love you utterly.

Believe it and be satisfied.

With all my love,

God

This little light of mine..

I think that I am starting to figure things out...FINALLY! I know that this is a loaded statement but as of lately in between all of the craziness that I have been faced with I have seen hints of light trying to break through.

So lets see what has gone on since the last time I wrote? Well my aunt and uncle (mainly my aunt) kind of told me that I needed to go back to live with my mom and my brothers, which I was going to try and do but I found that her and my brothers are moving across town. But I did find another place to live and today I situated most of my room and I'm very happy about that and thankful that the person I will be living with allowed me to move in with her.

Lets see... I have been at my job for almost a month and I am learning something new every day and I'm faced with many a challenges daily but I love it. A good challenge always does a heart good. Speaking of challenges I started talking to a guy and then shortly stopped talking to him, haha, BUT before you start to say mean things you have to believe me when I say I have my reasons and when something just doesn't feel right avoid it like the plague! I have also been focusing on listening to my gut and intuition when it tells me things and so far I think that I have been doing rather well with it. Even if old habits die hard, I'm attempting to kick that one to the curb for good.

So on the fourth of July my best friend and I celebrated our independence the only way to celebrate, we attempted to see a light show BUT it rained so we went back to her house after driving around for awhile and watched movies and just had a glorified girls night, I adore and cherish my best friend she has been there for me through well, everything.

Ok dear readers, whoever you are I think that that is all I can muster right now.

XOXO

Have a great day :)