Welcome back, nerd.

 

So for Christmas my mom got me a Kindle Touch, which was exactly what I wanted. As soon as I opened it and figured it out a little bit I started downloading books, so far I have 35 and counting. One of the first books that I downloaded with the gift card my mom gave me (and those things are like gold for a broke college student like myself) was called Flat- Out Love by Jessica Park and I have to say that it was $3.49 well spent. I read it in a coffeehouse, by a window in my house as the sun was setting and it was becoming hard to read, and a time or two when my mom was nagging at me to stop reading.

Since I've been in school I haven't had a lot of time to do some leisure reading, which is normal, but it's okay with me.  This break from school has been slightly relaxing, crazy at best but my family was never anything but.  I was ecstatic when I opened up my Kindle Touch and since I've had it I haven't really put it down. I think it has actually gotten me back into reading and I love that so much. A friend of mine also got one so we are going to start lending to each other and being total nerds, I love it! Though just because I got a Kindle does not in anyway mean that I will stop buying and reading books in print, because if I have cash on me and see a book that I want to read and keep I usually impulsively buy it.

I hope everyone has had a Merry Christmas and that your New Year is merry and bright!

Or...in the words of Neil Gaiman, "“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself". 




(All pictures via Google Images)

When did I become such a girl?!

This fall I met a great guy and we started dating and eventually became a couple. It all happened rather fast and since I haven’t been in a committed relationship in a good two and a half years. Now the boyfriend and I have made it to almost 4 months, which I know isn’t a big thing really I know, but for me it is because I haven’t made it with a guy as awesome as my boyfriend is in quite some time.  Earlier today I was having dinner with a friend of mine and we were discussing our boyfriend’s and the little things that guys do that irritate us, for example, not keeping up their end of the communication going, or spending more time with their video games then with us. I’m not whining because I am happy but I don’t want to be this insecure, needy girl that we girls tend to be burdened with some times but we can’t help it. It’s how we are, especially when we are in relationships, with guys that we really like and have been with for quite some time (my friend’s situation, not mine).

I never used to be like this; sure I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. But I have also always been ridiculously independent and letting someone else take care of me is something that’s not always been easy for me. Even though I really should let myself be taken care of by someone else now and then it’s not always the easiest thing to do. Any fiercely independent girl will probably agree. I think that I may have a touch of separation anxiety…so that’s wicked awesome. Especially during this time of year, while I enjoy hanging out with my family and friends and I want the boyfriend to be happy and hang out with his family and friend’s but  this living  hours away from each other during long times of separation is no bueno.  I know that I can do it and make it through until I see him again but I don’t want our relationship to be weakened by this break.  I don’t mind so much the separation on Christmas for us, because he and I have already had our Christmas, but I want to bring in the New Year with him, I want to kiss him when the ball drops, I want to toast to the new year with him and for us to share the excitement of what the future may hold together. But we sadly can’t, because you can’t always get what you want, you get what you need.

Yes, I'm in love. Deal with it bitches. I've got it  bad enough that the ex mocked me for it. But I used my words and gave him a piece of my mind because I was not in the mood to deal with ANYONE'S crap the whole time I was writing this!

I guess until the boyfriend and I can find a time to get together before school starts that I will just have to play the patient waiting game.

Xoxo all

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all 

Break Time

I'm taking a mental health break, my creativity is in a rut, so until that returns my blogs will be sporadic at best.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!

xoxo

What inspires you?

2 am browsing on the interwebs = this little gem of a post

I know that this has been out for awhile, but I absolutely love this song and everything else about Florence + the Machine!

You, Me & Charlie- Dianna Agron (Quinn from Glee's) new blog, I have only just scratched the surface of this blog and I already kind of love it.

Happy Holidays everyone!

It's that time again!

The blustery winter winds are moving in and all across my campus students are clutching coffee cups with gloved hands and all of the girls that can afford the boots with the fur are rocking them like no one else can. That's right, another Missouri winter is moving in and no one is happy, well except for the crazy ones that actually enjoy this crap. I like the winter months about as much as one can, the snow is pretty and the ability to layer as much or as little as necessary is nice. Though my favorite part by far of the cold months is the food!! My mom and I make massive crock pots full of chili and soups and I bake up huge batches of cookies and brownies and other delicious and super fattening things and then we all sit down to feed our faces while watching holiday movies, so there are some pros to winter. I suppose that I really don't hate it all that much, just as long as I don't have to drive in the shit, I'm that person that cancels plans and/or makes others come and get them to do things in the winter because I'm not the best driver in the snow unless the roads have been cleared completely off! 

Another thing that I kind of dislike about the holiday season is trying to think of what I may want, I already know two things and that's it. My mom is a single mom so I was trying to be easy on her when I asked for a Kindle, not the new Fire one that is almost an Ipad, but that would be really pushing it and I love my mom so I asked for the Kindle and I really hope that I get it.

I think that when I get older and can actually afford to take vacations that I'm going to pull a Christmas with the Kranks and go somewhere nice and tropical and warm and avoid the insanity of Christmas, but like the Krank's that idea may get swept under the rug because my family will want to see me so I would have to suck it up and endure the cold weather and hustle and bussle of the season at the stores. But that's okay too I suppose, I do love my family so either way really would be nice.

Time to get back to studying and writing, good luck to everyone on their finals!!

What are your favorite parts/things to do in the winter months and what's on your wish list?

Christmas came early..

This week my mom, brothers and I were looking around our storage unit trying to get things situated and I found some things that I have been looking for for EVER!!

I found my Harry Potter books, I sadly am missing maybe two or three of the books because I'm a poor college student. But the fact that I found these and will soon have the rest of the books. I've already started re-reading The Sorcerer's Stone and it's just as amazing as I remember it, even if the movies may have spoiled me.

But yeah, that's how my day has gone. It has definitely brightened my slightly gloomy break, but as long as I get my homework done I'll be okay for school next week.

xoxo

In which I bitch about Twilight.

I think he likes her, or ya know wants to eat her.

So I was one of the minorities of my school last night, because ya know the new Twilight movie Breaking Dawn came out. I am happy to say that I have only been to maybe two of those premieres and I intend to keep it that way.
 This post is going to be kind of my like my fellow Blogging friend Lex's and her total disdain and absolute loathing  for Twilight.

My reasons are pretty much the same as hers but I recently turned on the television earlier and Twilight was on, after having not watched the movie in awhile I attempted to try and watch it and that didn't go so well I talked to one of my boyfriend's roommate's girlfriend's about the whole mess of the movie and threw   the metaphorical tomatoes at it. That was pretty great!

I'm not going to lie, when I was a little younger I read them all because lets face it, a love story is always a good story. Especially after a breakup, so I did the next best thing and fell in love with a fictional character. But then I started reading more into it and realizing what a travesty it was.

Taken from my Facebook.

My favorite part of the Twilight movies is when Bella almost dies, then needs to be saved by ALL the men in her life. Clearly Stephanie Meyer thinks that women of this day and age are helpless, fragile beings all the way through adulthood. No, that ends.

 ·  · 51 minutes ago

 Those are just my thoughts
xoxo

Leaving the bubble, lots of good news,and a new addiction.

Well ladies & gents, this is my 200th post (!!)and I think this may be a good one, hopefully, my brain has kind of felt like it's been on the near verge of pouring out of my ears for the past two weeks.

This week begins the countdown until semester break and you can tell from everyone's appearances and general lack of upkeep that they are beyond ready for the semester to be over and for a recharge and massive onslaught of some home cooked meals. Plus Thanksgiving is coming up so there's no doubt that when we come back we are all going to be fat, happy and semi catatonic,  and just in time for finals too!

The hardest part of leaving school for me will be losing my routine for a week and having to try to do homework and trying to visit old friends while I'm in town and probably playing driver for my little brothers if my mom is busy, woop de freakin do. I think I applied to college get away from all of that but I think that the week my go by fast enough that it won't be such a big deal. Not as big as a deal as say Winter break, that may drive my up a wall. I love my family, don't get me wrong but family should only be dealt with in small doses from time to time. I don't want to leave my bubble, I like it here and I was just starting to get settled.

Sorry I've been MIA lately there's been a LOT of stuff going on lately, I moved out of my room and into a new one, started to get the ball rolling on classes for next semester, and heavily procrastinating on some school work but I always manage to get that done in time. Note to self: break that habit, it's bad for you! I have had some pretty awesome moments here and there lately; I tried an espresso filled drink the other day and LOVED it, though like alcohol there should be something in one's stomach before consuming a medium caramel machiato before class. Shit gets real. I was kind of invited by one of my professor's to join yearbook next semester, while at the same time the editor from the newspaper tried to recruit me. Suffice to say, tomorrow when I register for classes I'm picking yearbook. Next semester I was offered a spot on a panel for a book review for The Emperor of All Maladies, and I'm pretty excited about that.  The icing to that cake is that I've declared my majors, yes that's plural, because I'm a badass or a masochist, you choose.  I'm majoring in Covergent Media and PR and I'm pretty freaking ecstatic  about that too because one of the coolest  and most beloved professors in the English department is teaching a good percent of my classes. Hell to the yeah.

A little bit of intelligence from a comment from posts past regarding college life, "A small list of things I've learned in college...outside the classroom. 1.) I truly hate people who are always in a hurry. The ones that do absolutely everything twice as fast as necessary and even talk so fast that you can't believe they just said something, let alone comprehend it. So then you're sitting there, 3 seconds or so, trying to piece the jabber together, and they do the sigh. The "seriously, didn't you hear me?" sigh. I know this from working in food service, where all people care about is getting their damn food. 2.) Bikes are no longer lame; they're quite essential, and if you don't have a bicycle (like me) then you are slightly jealous of those who do. However-one person tandem bikes are ridiculous. 3.) Some people act so stupidly that you seriously question whether or not they really should be in college. For example: I'm serving cake. There is a nice little sign that tells people that it is "Winston White Cake." Upon reading this sign, studying it, they ask me, "What does that mean?" and "what is that?" IT IS FUCKING WHITE CAKE. I had three different people ask me this. 4.) Professors are not scary and mean (well, usually). In fact: you might see them at some big public function, and they say "Hello!" and then proceed to introduce you to other professors. 5.) Quarters are no longer just pop money; they are the tickets to cleanliness. 6.) When you have to sprint and dodge sprinklers to get to where you're going, it's like you're in a video game!! And last of all, and probably the most important: the old cliché that everything happens for a reason. My reason: the most unhappy thing might happen to you, only to make you the happiest person in the world."

So yeah, there's that. How have you lovely people been?? I've missed you all, even if my web presence as of late says different.

Oh yeah, my dear friend in one of my classes has turned me onto something. In my usual fashion I missed the trend bus, but now I have a Pinterest,  so ya know, feel free to add me

Okay, time to stop procrastinating, and start hashing out a rough draft that's due on Thursday!

xoxo

Forever Young, a rant.

In youth the days are short and the years are long; in old age the years are short and the days long.  ~Nikita Ivanovich Panin


It seems that every time I log on to Facebook these days one of my friend's is getting engaged or is prego, and I really want to shake them and tell them to stop being so crazy, but after careful deliberation I decided against that. Especially for my prego friends. But most of my friend's that are taking these giant leaps into life range in ages from 17 to 23 or so. Yes, there are some that exceptions because some of my friend's are married and are ready for the next step, but seriously the ones that are barely legal should keep in it their pants and focus on other things, like school, work, staying off the pipe and the pole and keeping their dreams in sight and within arms reach. I just wish that kids these days would stop and think things like this through because it sucks to see them when and if they don't succeed, yes some do, but divorce rates are steep these days and the economy is worse. However, I can understand if a couple has been together for awhile and they have the intention to get married and have kids one day, but time isn't always against us, we just think it is. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for them, and I'm definitely not jealous of them but it's all just hard to comprehend and it's sometimes a little pressuring on me because pretty soon my mom will be asking me, "hey Nicole, when is so-and-so going to put a ring on it and make me a grandma?" and that day I'm not really looking forward to AT ALL

The media really isn't helping either, show's like Teen Mom and others like it are romanticizing the whole thing, and it's really irritating for me. Quite possibly because I've had a lot of things go awry for me that have somewhat set me back from experiencing some things in life, but I totally don't regret going through them and I live my life in a slightly selfish way and I am happy only worrying about what my family, my friends and other loved ones are doing. No other people are really depending on me to feed and clothe them and everything else that comes with getting married and/or having kids. Though in some cases getting married can be like having a kid, just a really big kid. 

The fact that I haven't really seen or been in a relationship that has lasted (I have yet to make it a year in a relationship, Sad random fact) a decent amount of time, like over 10 years besides my grandparents who have made it to 80 flippin' years of being married!! I think we all asked what their secret was at the party, but what they said has left me at the moment but I'm sure there are some pretty crazy things that they aren't going to divulge with their impressionable grandchildren about how to survive a marriage for so long besides ya know unconditional love. 

This week Kim Kardashian announced after 72 days of marriage that she wanted a divorce, now this doesn't really surprise me because it's just another stupid celebrity marriage that is just making her ratings that much higher and gawd is she loving it because the only proper name for her is "gold digger" and she more than knows it, she relishes in this fact which is disgusting. Celebrities and politicians are ruining the sanctity of marriage, with their marriages that only last at the most a year and ludicrous reasons for divorce. Politicians are definitely not any better, unless you live under a rock than I think that you can probably imagine my feelings on that whole thing. 

I personally am not sure whether or not I want to get married or not, maybe, but right now I have things to do for myself and I want the chance to get out on my own one day and be independent and what not, whether I have a boyfriend or not I still want these things because not everyone is giving themselves the chance to have them and I'm not going to be one of them. 

But that's just how I feel about it all, sorry for the ranting but these things irk me like no other.

xoxo 

15 Things that I am currently in Love with..

1. School..it's weird to start off saying this one first but it's true. I love that I am bettering myself and meeting new amazing people along the way. I hardly even go home on weekends because anywhere outside of my new "community" has become slightly foreign to me.

2.


3. 500 Days of Shaneiferd- a fellow blogger/college student just trying to balance everything without spilling too much.

4.This post by A Cup of JO, whom I just recently found out is actually a blogger for Glamour's online blog Smitten. I love that!

5. Sitting next to my boyfriend in bed, him reading the paper and me writing or vise versa. Which ironically is happening as I write this post. <3

6. It's like all of my dentist's hard work was for nothing, but I intend to brush my teeth hardcore for the next three months. om nom nom

7.  Banana Nutella Crepes, I tried them for the first time when I met the boyfriend's family for brunch a few weekends back and this was the only recipe that I could find that's close enough to what I had.

8.  Sleep. As a college student this is like air and man have I been taking it in! In between classes and after homework of course.

9. My family for everything that they have stood by me for and for everything that I have put them through.

10. Halloween!! It's my Christmas, plus who doesn't like the fact that one night out of the year they can be someone they're not?   Case in point: I'm participating in my school's Haunted Hall this year and I get to be a "crazy person" I'm super excited!!  Then at a costume party for another school event the boyfriend and I are going to be Kate and William.

11. I'm going to look into writing for my school's newspaper, starting slow as a contributor and working my way up hopefully.

12. this video by WheezyWaiter, because he's awesome!

13.  My RA, because she's pretty much the coolest person ever!


14. My boyfriend, he's pretty awesome and he and I balance each other out quite well. Plus, on my crazy girl days he's there to hold me and keep my thoughts at bay.

15. Myself! Not in a conceited kind of way, just that after EVERYTHING  that I have been through I still have managed to keep myself sane this whole time, or relatively sane.

Words and things..

Sorry I've been such a slacker on posting lately. I've been writing posts but they only make it as far as the drafts file and it really sucks because I used to be good at this whole blogging thing.. You'd think that being in college that I would  be rife with material but sadly that hasn't completely been my case this year. I have a lot of stories that I could/would share with you guys, but some are not mine to tell and well I don't want to get in trouble for practicing my right as an American so I just stick to writing huge research papers and creeping other people's blogs for inspiration.  But what I can tell you guys is that...

While in college I have;

Learned to appreciate Nicki Minaj more so than before, especially Super Bass. I'm a sheep that's a sucker for catchy stupid music.

Started to absolutely loathe and detest country music for the most part, mainly because my roommate insists on listening to it (and having a night light) on to sleep with. Suffice to say I arranged my side of the room around to keep my sanity.

Changed my sleeping habits considerably, instead of going to sleep early-ish  like I initially planned I usually fall into bed around 3AM, all I have to say to that is thank goodness for Einstein brothers and coffee carts.

Met SOO many amazing people, fellow nerdfighters, bloggers, foreign exchange students (I've met a Russian and a Brit and didn't even have to cross any oceans to meet them)  and everything in between. I love it so much!! I knew that this would happen but I didn't realize that it would really ever happen to me.

Finally traveled to another state and went on my first road trip to Nebraska with some people from my hall, their friend and my boyfriend. I finally saw a good portion of the famous Omaha Zoo, had a taste of Runza and other Nebraska fare. It was a great experience and I can't wait to do it again. I am also going to try and post pictures of that eventually. Midterms are next week so I'm going to try and get as much as I can done.

Okay, that's about all I could think of for now...what are your best college experiences?

I want a nap...instead I have to write a HUGE paper

I'm super busy with school stuff, and not getting enough sleep AT ALL but I shall return to slightly regular posts hopefully soon. Definitely around Halloween!

I love you guys by the way.

xoxo

Sometimes a little white lie is necessary.

Case in point: I am currently in the boyfriend's dorm with a "stomach ache", okay it actually kind of hurts but that's besides the point. Our school is having a football game tonight and since my body seems to barely tolerate Missouri weather *on a good day) I fibbed a little and told the boy to go without me and enjoy the game. Plus over the past two weekends I've been subjected to more football then I really cared for.

So now I'm here, in his room listening to Florence and the Machine and deciding what to do for the next 2-3 hours.  All that I've come up with so far is:

-read more of The Perks of Being A Wallflower
sleep
-watch a movie even though after the game that's our plans anyway.
-I would do my homework if I had my computer here but I forgot it, so I'm doing it tomorrow.

"It's peanut butter jelly time!"

I find it kind of sad how much we as Americans take for granted on a daily basis. The smallest of things that we used to adore and cherish as children are now swept away by the rushing foamy tides of adulthood. For example, a simple sandwich like the Peanut Butter and Jelly, two pieces of bread with the two most delicious and vastly underrated ingredients in the world! Okay, maybe not in the world but for me their kind of up there.

The other night I was in the boyfriend's dorm and we got up for a midnight snack, and since we're poor(ish) college kids a snack is all that we could manage so we whipped up some PB & J's and ate. In that moment I kind of had a flashback/aha moment of my childhood and how much I used to love the sandwiches and now I  hardly ever eat them! While I was eating the delicious "snack" I felt like I was nine years old again swinging my feet from the stool and just taking everything in.  It had to be one of the best moments that I've had in awhile (and I've had a lot in the past month) and it was just really nice and everyone should have that experience on a regular basis. Because in the end it really is the little things in your life that should matter the most to you. 

xoxo 

Slacker

Oh college, I've had a ridiculous amount of fun already and I'm only three weeks in.  Right now I'm procrastinating doing my homework that's due early in the morning by sitting in my hall's lobby soaking up the awesome.

                                  .......................................................

I've been a slacker lately I've been WAY too busy with school stuff lately to write much other than school related things, which sucks a little but is also a major part of being an English major and a freshman. I have a stack of books that I want to read too and topics that I want to write but I never really make time for any of them and it's kind of disappointing me. Don't get me wrong I love everything that I am doing but I just need to force myself to slow the ef down sometimes and breathe for a moment. Thankfully this weekend has provided that chance for me, my cousin is getting married and my aunt and I are going to go see my little brother and her brother before the nuptials. My aunt and I are finally going to get the chance to hang out and see a lot of family members that we don't see that much, plus we get to drink! Last weekend my boyfriend got to get drunk (he's also a no00b to booze) so this weekend is my turn and I'm kind of excited.  But this post is definitely not about drinking.  I just thought I would update everyone on everything, I really do have plans for better posts in the future I just have to write a huge essay and take a bunch of tests this month but I'll at least work on them. Procrastination is my greatest skill at times it seems..

xoxo

How do you prevent major procrastination?

My first two weeks of college in pictures..

I haven't gone completely MIA from the blogging world..I've been busy with school and being generally pleased as fucking punch lately and I've been trying to keep the momentum going. So in lieu of blabbering about my first two weeks of college I've decided to just do the next best thing and photo blog the experience so far. Enjoy!

 football baby!

 new friends <3

 a stud of a boyfriend. 

 my first double dating experience

 random people at a bar with some stellar dance moves

 White boys can't dance :p

 we aren't normal people, we dance in our chairs

xoxo

Yummy

Yes! 

Until I can find the words and time to actually write a decent post this is what you guys get. The song that has been on a loop in my head for about a week. 

Enjoy! 

xoxo

Is this in my future? Could I even handle adding another spinning plate? 

I  really hope so. 

Talking myself down..

I just got out of my first class and we were given our first assignment! It's a fun assignment but it also includes and essay and while it shouldn't really scare me since writing is a passion of mine it's kind of intimidating, not going to lie. It's a simple self survey but I think that the nerves I'm feeling are more about the essay part because I still think that my writing mojo is MIA, I have my moments but in the last four years I haven't been in this situation so I used my blog to keep my writing at least mildly intact and decent. 

I'm not sure why I'm so worried, I will probably do just fine I just don't want a repeat of my first college try..and I will NOT let myself get that way! 

I hate that we  humans tend to be our own worst enemies, hate, hate, HATE it!

xoxo

Sparks-setting sketch-high school portfolio (1)

Like the hollowing out of a pumpkin on Halloween, visiting the lake house at the Lake of the Ozarks is a tradition every summer for my family. The cement moat around the house is covered in a mosaic of multicolored leaves and  the fire pit is gray and dingy with ash.

Over a hill as tall as a full grown tree distant voices and twigs snapping under foot can be heard. Then two blond teenagers come into focus, one is very energetic whole the other is a little standoffish. The boys gently climb under a wire that divides the two lots and begin to work their way towards the house where plastic chairs and a table are being noisily dragged across the cement. A spark of fire has been lit give the dull gray cement an orange pigmentation. Leaves are being thrown into the smoldering fire making the air around it smell more like autumn than summer.

A crowd of people are gathered around the freshly lit orange glowing fire and conversations are in progress. The two teenagers welcome everyone back for the summer and offer to help unload the bundles and packages from the overstuffed back of vehicles. In a chair set farther back from everyone a lonely girl sits alone with a thick novel reading quietly to herself.

One of the boys bringing up and overfilled cooler from one of the vehicles suddenly stops short and notices the ever changing color of the girl's eyes, after after nearly dropping the cooler on his foot he is brought back to reality and the girl continues reading. In  that split second of time, the world and everyone in it just stopped for the two of them and a spark was ignited between them that only they could feel the warmth of.


Thoughts? I wrote in it high school. New stuff is in the works between classes.

xoxo

My first (of many) obligatory back to school posts.

Tomorrow I begin packing more or less every possession I have into my tiny car and Saturday morning I hit the road and begin the hour drive towards school.

The word 'exhaustion' is now exhausted from my vocabulary.

My brother is still not taking it to well and my Mom is just kind of dealing in her own way I suppose, she hasn't really said much to me about the whole thing. It's kind of sad especially since my brothers have football the day I move in and she can't help me move in but I gotta be an adult and do it myself.

I feel like I could puke.

I think that's all I have to say tonight, words are failing me due to stress and too much going on in my head. I hope you all have a great and significantly less stressful weekend than I'm about to, but I say bring it to allof the stress.

This isn't goodbye, not really.

Today begins the start of a very long week of a very long year for my family and I. With the news of my appeal going through and my elation to start moving and getting the hell out of Dodge I think that my youngest brother, whom I'm very close with may be taking this the hardest..well maybe we all are come to think of it. My youngest brother is spoiled rotten and mainly by me, we have little sister brother dates to the frozen yogurt shop and to lunch and to get a small toy now and then. So it's understandably going to be hard on he and I because that was our thing. It's not something 6 year olds can just forget about doing stuff like that takes time for anyone. I know that it's my fault that he's taking this so hard but he does know that his big sister needs to get out of the house and do better things with her life. Plus it's not like I'm going to be hours away, just one and I intend to visit every chance I get.

There will be a waterfall of tears comparable to Niagra Falls this week.

Breaking News

I don't have a lot of time to write this because I actually used my time semi productively at the library today because our wifi is out again. Surprised? Neither am I. But I went to the mailbox the other day and that letter that I have been agonizing and stressing out like crazy over for the past month or so came and while I shook like a leaf in a hurricane upon it's arrival I gathered my courage, opened it and well...they said yes! My appeal went through, though I have to do a few provisionary things but I'm still in and going and will finally get to meet my roommate and have everything else that I've been talking about in past posts happen!

My elation cannot even be put into words let alone one emotional blog post.

Now I have 6 days to do what most people have had done for the past month or so...no pressure because I have an adrenaline rush that will last me til Christmas!

xoxo

I have a secret..kinda...

When I was sick with cancer about a year and a half ago I could barely eat, well not a lot of the food that I was supposed to eat while dealing with chemotherapy and all of the crap that that whole process entails. My nurses handed me a massive pamphlet about dealing with the whole process and while skimming it I saw that I could pretty much anything, anything that I could hold down, so I started to whip up my own semi recipes from magazines, the internet etc.

During the fall/winter and into spring (right before I went into remission) I was in the kitchen for about two month in between chemo sessions, I was baking of all things; cookies! Not to toot my own horn but my cookies are pretty freaking awesome, especially when my brother helps me and we both *secretly* steal licks of the batter and chunks of the chips. I'm a great sister. I made everything from your run of the mill chocolate chip cookies to butterscotch/white chocolate morsel cookies to peanut butter. Sadly I wasn't as deep into the internet and food blogs as I am now but I've been learning so much from so many wonderful people and their beautiful blogs out there. This fall since I may not be going to the school I intended to yet, because you gotta walk before you can run I'm going to start up my baking some more. That even includes baking up a recipe that my friend introduced me to the other day, it includes espresso and since I'm a coffee noob I was wired  and then tired once I had devoured my share, but it was so worth it.....

..and then...

my mom bought a jar of Nutella and my little brother and I have been on the hunt for some delicious recipes to avoid eating the whole jar with giant spoons. It's safe to say that I will be making a bakery's worth of cookies and other goodies in the coming months. I may have to turn my blog into a food blog for a couple of months but I'll be back to my normal random thoughts as soon as I can, that includes the writing portfolio.

Recipes on the board:

Nutella Pop Tarts!
F-f-f- french toast
Brownies anyone?
Fudge!
Cookies!?

I'm a bit of a sweet tooth :B

Procrastination

I had my last dentist appointment today (well until January) and I hate that I can't feel my face because I'm really hungry and Nutella toast sounds amazing right now. This week I have so much to do and I should be getting as much done today as I can I really don't want to and I really don't think that I should since it's so dreary and gross outside and I'm low on gas. So I think that today will just be a gloriously lazy day for me and my family, especially since my brothers start school this week and they should relax as much as they can before hitting the books again.

xoxo

P.S I'm going to be typing up my old writing portfolio this week and putting it up here :) I hope you guys like it.

A manifesto of sorts

I've been in need of a long good has you in a fetal position on the bathroom floor for hours cry for quite some time now. So naturally I went to a movie to see if I could cry the well dry and ring out every last tear from my heavy eyes. Apparently I was wrong, my labors were fruitless and once again I felt defeated, Life-67767656565856 points Nicole- -4. I went to see the movie The Help tonight after work and by myself. I'm one of those strange types that enjoy seeing a movie by themselves every now and then and comes home and incorporates it in to a blog post. Sue me. I went in to the movie knowing that it would be sad but I wasn't aware of the magnitude of sadness because I never finished the book when I started reading it. I digress, I sat down ready to be inspired and maybe even have a good cry, the sad parts were sad and the happy parts were beautiful and the whole movie was really done well. But even when the saddest parts came on and everyone else around me was blubbering like a baby who's candy has just been stolen, my tears never fell. I think I'm broken. If anyone has seen that Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet movie where they switch houses for like a month because they're sick of their current lives and need a change and Cameron Diaz just broke up with her boyfriend but can't properly mourn the break up by crying about it, well then damnit just give me some blond hair and a hot body and call me Cameron, because I think I'm broken too! One would think that with all of the stress and sadness and anger in me at the moment that I would just be a teary faced hot mess (I kind of am right now, but that's a different story) but I'm just….. I don't know really, I think I might have known a while ago but now I'm not sure.

 

There are a few things I do know for sure though;

- I'm over this overly sullen and gloomy happy masked face girl that I have been lately.

–I'm sick of being in this seemingly perpetual creative rut, and I want the spark for writing that I used to have to come back like fire from a blow torch.

-I want to continue my education, work my ass off and get to a better spot in my life. This life is not one that my Dad or stepmom saw me having before they passed away.

-I want to be happy more than anything right now momentary happiness isn't cutting it for me anymore. Sorry John Lennon but I'm about to do away with my "waves of sorrow and pools of joy" even if it kills me!

I've started to contemplate on my Plan B if my school rejects my appeal and says that I can't study there because I may be "too much of a risk for them to take", though I'm thinking all the positive thoughts that I can and am praying like crazy that they say yes and give me the chance that I so desperately need/want to make a positive change in my life and make my Dad and the rest of my family proud. I am ready for it, I'm hungry for it and I have total confidence in myself that I will do great, even if a little help is needed in between. But just waiting for an answer is agonizing. I've decided that if I'm rejected that I'm going to go back to the community college here in town because I want to fill my head with more than just what my regulars at work order and I'm going to at least get my Associate's and eventually work to getting back to the University to finish everything up and go from there. I'm also going to seek out the help from my friends because I have to get out of this house and off of my mom's leash. I love her but I'm done raising kids. I'm probably a terrible selfish person now for saying all of that but I'm 22 years old and I have a life ahead of me that I'm losing sight of every day. I can't and I won't let that happen because I'm not getting any younger and life's not getting any easier for anyone but the least I could do for myself is to save myself from following someone else's foot path when I could blaze my own trail and travel the road less traveled.

STRESS!

This waiting for an answer is killing me, just tell me "yes" and let me start the school year!

Why I want to change my name...

It has started and no I'm not excited about it,unlike the rest of America and my family and more than half of my Facebook friends. I've considered changing my name to my middle name.

The World Through a Bibliophile's Eyes

Today I was out with a friend of mine trying to beat this 100+ degree heat, our methods included gorging ourselves on delicious and copious amounts of frozen yogurt and driving in his air conditioned car to a hot spot around our part of town. We ventured all around to our usual favorite shops and as usual I dragged the poor guy to Barnes & Noble because people with addictions usually can’t be stopped. We started browsing through the genres and reading various blurbs in the YA section and it kind of hit me that the fantasy/sci-fi section is getting kind of ridiculous these days.(Though I have to admit that the rest of the YA section is pretty awesome.) At least to a point. I don’t have much room to argue this because I do enjoy a good sci-fi/fantasy novel now and then like anyone else and I’m a Harry Potter and The Hunger Games fan so the point that I’m trying to get at is nearly moot. I sought out feedback on this issue through Twitter at the time but no one felt like talking about books I guess.

As we moved along we hit the reference aisle and though I wasn’t really looking for something, because that’s not how I shop for books I happened to fall into the Writer’s reference aisle and I came across a series of books that are either going to make me seem really nerdy or dumb for even mentioning them but if I cared why would I be sharing? * The amount of books in that section is ridiculous and in a totally good way, because I couldn’t help myself I bought The Constant Art of Being a Writer: The Life, Art and Business of Fiction because it just seems to fit the place that I’m in now. I am very well aware that most of my writing lately has been shitty and it scares me that my writing skills may have peaked in high school. Wouldn’t that suck? Can you imagine a girl that is related to Mark Twain (in the faintest way) can’t write anymore but it’s pretty much the ONLY thing she wants to do in life, besides a day job?! Oh the madness!!

I’ve been thinking about picking up writing short stories or poetry again just to stretch my writing muscles but my writing prompts just turn into tangents about my own life. Which I only do here, I’ll only carry that over when I’m writing my autobiography. As for now I need to find the words to draw out my stress and ultimately clear me from this perpetual writer’s block that I’ve been in for the past few months. It’s beginning to get ridiculous.



What kind of books do you like to read/wish to write one day if you’re the type? Also how do you get out of a writers block??

*I tend to go on random tangents now and then, hints the name of my blog.

xoxo

Who needs drugs when voices like these are in the world??

I know I sure don't, I almost had a glass of wine tonight to relieve me from my stressful day, I just popped in HappyThankyouMorePlease and then youtube'd the music.

The internet is a wonderful thing.

I've stressed myself sick.

Appeals, work, family, a woman with lots of free time on her hands and make her daughter make her own bed for them. It's a bunch of crap..I'm exhausted and my body is finally starting to scream while the words stay inside, festering and bubbling which is NOT good. I need to get away, I need to learn to stand up to my mom who won't even let me explain how a perfume bottle accidentally broke, that I never touched. I'm done being shit on and being under appreciated. It's days like these that hope is hardest to hold onto, all I want is a little stability and love. Two very simple things that always seem to be out of my reach. The only stability I do seem to find is in my books (which I can't seem to stop buying) and I just use them for escape.
Also, in my efforts to start getting ready for school and get things that I need to get done, apparently I've been "slacking" in my chores, which is a joke if I've ever heard one. I work nights and have a weird sleep schedule and I feel obligated to watch my littlest brother because my other brother tends to be a bully towards him for no reason at all so I try not to leave the house before work so there's that. Sure I should hang out with friends but due to recent losses I don't have many that live in the area, and I don't date because my mom somehow always tends to run them off before I get the chance to, if I'm even with them that long...

I'm so ready to get away, sorry for the word vomit but it had to get out. No more festering.

The missing woman has been found!

So earlier today I was on Facebook just checking up on things and posting on a wall or two when I saw a status update from one of my supposedly best friends that I hadn't heard from in going on four months. She's in Texas, Texas!! I figured that she would be going down there this summer as it's something that she does twice a year to see family but I tried IM'ing her and calling her but that led to no avail. Sadly I think that her and I's friendship has run it's course. I almost saw this day coming the day she met her boyfriend, I tried to be happy for her but he was never really my favorite. I got  the heebeegeebees just being around the guy.

But at least I have learned one great thing today, I know who my true friends are whether they are right down the road or halfway across the country they will be there when I call or tweet or text. But this, this stress I really don't need. Not now, not ever especially since I wouldn't do something like this to her. I don't know if I will be her for her when he breaks her heart or something like that because right now my education is going to be my equivalant of her boyfriend. Yup, I'm going to be glued to it's hip every day and night and were going to be together for the next 4+ years! I'm excited!

To the friends, near, far and away I love you and thank you for being there for me and you know who you are!

The Handbook for Lightning Strike Survivors- a review

“Love is a scary thing. If not reciprocated, it can turn a person into a monster.”-Michelle Young- Stone

This novel is one of the best coming of age/finding out who you really are stories that I have read in a while, the characters are very well developed and play all of their parts in Becca and Buckley’s lives beautifully. As far as chaotic lives go the trials and tribulations that the two share that bring them together in the end are enough to make even the most hopeless person have a little bit more hope about their own future. “Without hope…without faith…no one survives.” The last line in the book is probably one of my favorite last words to a book that I have ever read, when I picked up this book I didn’t really think that I would be quite as changed as much as I was in the end. The Handbook isn’t entirely just for Lightning Strike Survivors but it’s almost more of a fictional handbook for life. As corny as it may sound but gosh darn it it’s true! So of course I recommend this book and if you've already read it or it's on your bookshelf and you haven't cracked the spine yet, please do it!

Like the characters in the story I too have attempted running away from the chaotic unpredictability that has been my life for roughly the past four or more years, but I think that going through everything I’ve gone through has only made me stronger. Yes I’m a little bit of a walking cliché but I’ve read somewhere that clichés are the glue that holds some of us together when other things won’t. Including loved ones that almost refuse to say the most simple and powerful words known to man. After a while of not hearing that and if it’s heard and it doesn’t seem genuine and sincere then I think that yes it may in fact start to turn a person into a bit of a monster no matter how hard they may try to fight the pull. I know, I’ve been fighting the darkness before it takes over me.

I know I said that I was going to review The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake next but I couldn’t quite get into it so I’m saving it for another time.



xoxo

I'm here still I promise!

I'm just stressed out and have only written one new post that I can't post yet because my laptop has no wifi so I'm sorry. I'll be back soon, once I figure out some school stuff and actually get moved. Or ya know if I find some wifi before then, I'm sorry follower that left me. I really appreciated you.

The Boy Who Lived

Tonight I write with a heavy heart,a  tear swollen face and a head full of questions. I'm actually kind of at a loss for words tonight as I just walked out of the funeral roughly three hours ago and I've done nothing but sit in front of the television and veg out. Tonight of course is the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 2 premiere and I'm meeting some friends at the theatre tonight so this whole day is going to be a somber one.

I don't really know what else to say because a lot of this is very personal to me and yes normally I'm an open book on ASOAS but tonight I don't think that anyone will get much out of me. So work tomorrow and the rest of this weekend is going to be an adventure in itself. But I can only pray for a tomorrow and talk every day one day at a time.

xoxo

How do you cope with loss? I can't eat chocolate and walk around all the time.

When Vada lost Thomas J

Prom 2007

All that stress that I droned on about in the last post now seems very irrelevant and pithy compared to the bomb that was dropped on my this afternoon thirty minutes before I had to go to work today. A really close friend of mine that lives about an hour and a half  away from me was killed yesterday morning at 2 am. I recieved the message from my mom who was taking my brother to the grocery store after his football game. When she told me the news I sat in shock and awe for a good 15 minutes, I'm still mortified that something like this happened to one of my closest friends.

I drove to work like a statue almost and was more or less the same at work too, except for the required small talk and smile that is required in my line of work my emotions were on lock down. I think I've lost the ability to cry actually, I always seem to be in a constant state of shock that sadly even death of a dear friend who's parents and and mine thought that one day he and I would have a future together as more can't melt the cold heart I think I have.

I don't know what to do, even as I type this and tell other close friends of he and I's I still don't know what to do. I guess the only good thing that I can gather from the very little details I've heard all night was that he probably didn't suffer.

It's only Wednesday and I've already almost broken down this week.

CAUTION: Rant up ahead, turn back now.

I've had this crippling headache for two days now and it's really starting to become less of a pain in the head and more of a pain in my ass. NO amount of pills that I have taken have made this pain end. Granted it's only been two so far but seriously. I've been thisclose to a nervous break down since Monday, I do realize that it's only Wednesday but the light at the end of the tunnel is being a damn tease!

My money is being stretched down to the last penny,I haven't bought anything needed for school yet, my car still hasn't been fixed yet, my brother seems to think that he can run the streets all hours of the day and night leaving me with my littlest brother when I have to go to work, not cool. I can't afford to lose my job as much as my mom can't. When I leave all of my responsiblities at home go to home. How's that for an Olympic torch?

My stress levels from living at home are going to be the death of me, I know life is a rollercoaster  but I'm not a fan of them and I want off of this one right now! But I can't just yet, I have to wait until next month and that seems like it's light years away instead of weeks away.

Last night at work was a crappy one, I accidentally got my phone soaked but thankfully after letting it dry out as best I could for the night I went to go get a new battery this morning and by some miracle it worked! Then last night before I got off work I tried to cut a pizza and before I could get it to the table the whole thing flipped over and out of my hand and burnt the crap out of my right hand. Thankfully I'm better now and my nervous breakdown can hold off for awhile.

Only a little while longer left here and then I can turn the next page in my book, which is good since I feel like I'm only physically here. My brain and spirit are already up north. I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize but  every now and then life happens and then we get back on with the show.

Optimism is my friend!

HappyThankYouMorePlease

do yourself a favor and see this, please?

48 Days, but who's counting? Oh, that's right, me.

So I know that it's only just July but I'm partially crazy so this post is for my own benefit, sorry. Starting today I have 48 days to get all of my school stuff done and over with so that I can be ready for the fall. That includes getting books, school supplies, and dorm essentials, ya know the usual stuff freshman need. The fact that I'm broke enough already and have to pay August's rent when I thought I didn't doesn't help much either. The fact that I keep acting like a child that is actually ready for their first day at school is killing my brothers, but I can't help it that I'm oozing with excitement for my future.

I also get to finish getting my dental stuff done, which I hope is soon because other than the three more small things that I have to do besides getting out my wisdom teeth I'm ready to not see the dentist for another 6 more months. Did you know that there's dental sand paper? I didn't.

I also get the always fun time of saving up enough money in between this time to get my car fixed before I leave for school and actually have some until I get a job up there, and hopefully I can get one on campus at Orientation in two weeks.

In these last 48 days I'm also going to try and get in better graces with my mom and brothers, and try to go see my other little brother and family that live downtown. I've been a little distant with the latter and I really want to change that and let them know that I love them and care for them and that I'm not as selfish as I may seem. I'm just busy and suck at getting down there when I plan to.

I hope every one has a great fourth of July weekend! I know I will, I'll be indulging in cupcakes and trying my first bottle of wine and enjoying the house all to myself before reality throws itself at me like a wicked curve ball.

xoxo

P.S I'm reading a new book called The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake and so far it's so good. Would you guys like me to keep reviewing books? I've done two so just let me know.

One Day

One of the things that I love most about summer time besides the feel of the warm sun on my skin and the smell of fresh cut grass is the freedom to read a pile or two of books at a leisurely pace. Since I'm a self proclaimed bookworm summer time is perfect for me to delve into massive amounts of fiction and escape.

For the past two weeks or so I've been reading the book One Day by David Nicholls and I literally just finished it. I made my brother keep on his light an hour past bed time so that I could finish the last Part. This book is/has been made into a movie and I can't wait for that to come out because based on the trailer I think that this movie will definitely be one that I will want to add to my mountain of a DVD collection with in the first 20 minutes of viewing it. Now here's the synopsis of this beautiful story, after that I'll give you guys my review.

"After one day together – July 15th, 1988, their college graduation – Emma Morley (Academy Award nominee Anne Hathaway) and Dexter Mayhew (Jim Sturgess ofAcross the Universe) begin a friendship that will last a lifetime. She is a working-class girl of principle and ambition who dreams of making the world a better place. He is a wealthy charmer who dreams that the world will be his playground.

For the next two decades, key moments of their relationship are experienced over several July 15ths in their lives. Together and apart, we see Dex and Em through their friendship and fights, hopes and missed opportunities, laughter and tears. Somewhere along their journey, these two people realize that what they are searching and hoping for has been there for them all along. As the true meaning of that one day back in 1988 is revealed, they come to terms with the nature of love and life itself."- Taken from the experienceoneday.com

I fell in love with this book before I even read the synopsis on the book cover (sadly yes I tend to be one of those people that judges a book by it's cover) I'm working on it. I dove in almost as soon as I got it and only put it down, unwillingly, when I had to work or go do other mundane things that daily life demands out of us. I'm such a hopeless romantic that I wanted to be Emma and every time I read I escaped into their world and was transported back in time and traveled where ever the characters went, lived their lives and felt like more than just a fly on the wall. It's hard to believe that this story was written by a guy. It's not the type of "romance" novel that is full of smutty sex scenes, snobby women and boorish men. Well it has a boorish guy or two but through out the novel they change radically and sometimes for the better. 

So I think that whether your a guy or a girl you will fall head over heels, ridiculously, in to that deliciously tumultuous state of love. 

*Even the book cover is beautiful! I want to travel and fall in love, and I WILL One Day. 

xoxo

You've got to be kind to yourself.

Today was my day off, I thought that it would start off well but as we've seen in 500 Days of Summer our expectations hardly ever match up to reality. I had to go to my dentist to get my permanent crown in (yay) and proceed further and lucky me got some less than desired news after the comprehensive exam, I'll just leave it at I have to go see the dentist a few more times before school starts (nay).

I came home to get my brother's up so we could get some house work done so that we didn't waste the day away by cleaning and melting our brain's with the "boob tube"-one of my Dad's expressions. As per usual I did a good amount of the cleaning but that's okay I'm not the one getting in trouble for not pulling my weight so really that's just a semantic. After busting ass and getting my mom's room de-cluttered I took my youngest brother to a frozen yogurt shop down the road from my house and aside from the 2.00 cup of deliciousness that we both got he also some how managed to sneak four tester cups of cupcake yogurt past me and I was sitting right next to him!! After that we went to Best Buy because I was on a mission, a mission for a She & Him CD, yes I still buy CD's. I had to forcefully drag my brother around the store and away from the iPads and other gadgets but eventually I found what I was looking for! I was only intending to get one CD, but after very very little persuasion from an employee I bought Volume One AND Volume Two!!! Sure I've only heard like a total of 4 of their songs but that's all the persuasion I needed today.

Eventually I got my brother out of the store and home just in time for my mom to drag him out again for my other brother's baseball practice. I went to a diner full of senior citizens and a handful of children, I listened to the chatter of strangers, ate a great meal for a decent price and read my book. It was a great stress reliever too! After I was done gorging myself with sinfully delicious food I still felt as though something was missing, well a lot of things feel like they're missing right now to me but they'll be found in time. I headed to the craft store before they closed and found a laptop sticker quote thing for $2.00! I wasn't really looking for it but I'm kind of a stickler for Mark Twain quotes. (Fun Fact-I'm related to him!!!)

So in conclusion, today was a pretty good day once all the hard work was done.

This is possibly one of my most favorite songs on one of  the albums that I bought today!!

Sharing is caring..(part 2)

I had to do another June installment of some of my favorite bloggers because you guys are just to damn cool.

Here we go!

The Lexical Gap aka Overlord Alexandra-I've been reading Lex's blog for awhile and let me be the first to tell you the girl is amazing, plus she has plans for world domination (the rules are in the link). Her rules are pretty easy to adhere to and I would happily be a mini

Too Much Pressure- Oh Andrew, there are not enough words to describe him, all nice of course but still not enough words. He's a grad student that is like the rest of us 20 somethings and is just chronicling the ridiculous and mundane going on's of his life. He too is a Twitter friend and since I'm a shameless promoter I'm going to go ahead and say that if your not following him you're missing out.

seedling - she's a newly discovered blog for me but I adore her already.

Trend-ish- also a new-ish blog that I have recently discovered but this blog puts a little bit more beauty in a messy world.

Unedited- Ironically her latest post is about promoting blogs so I'd say my timing was awesome!
and last but definitely not least is....

The Wonderful World of Victoria- some of you may or may not have heard of her but I've also been reading Victoria for quite some time so I think she is due some heavy doses of blog loving.

So that's it for tonight. I hope every one enjoys!

xoxo

What's the deal?

So today  has been eventful, for lack of a better word. This morning while helping my mom clean the house on both of our days off my mom asked me to dry a stack of pots and pans for her and while I was told that the biggest skillet that we own that was washed first was still hotter than fire. I cleaned the first four and right around the time I was finishing up the last one because it didn't feel warm to me on the outside. Boy was I wrong I no sooner swung it around to clean the bottom and hit my wrist and ohhh my gosh the pain! I've been burnt before, I work at a pizza store, I get burnt by oil and a pan now and then but this, this pain was so much worse.

I look like I took a curling iron to my wrist. I'm so emo!!! HAHAHA not.


Then I tried to eat some slightly frozen gummy fish because they were almost turned into jelly in my car. Yeah that's not advisable either especially if you have a temporary crown on like I did/do. I'm going to the dentist later this week but I may have to just go tomorrow before work.

I'm such a klutz it's not even funny guys.

Attempt number two at a decent blog tonight: accomplished.

xoxo